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Our Muslim Weddings

A sacred event or a venue for Haram?Sure, it may be annoying to hear the complaints, or take some extra effort (and even money) to find a place that has a partition, but it is very worth doing so. Why would we want to start off our new lives by committing sin? A sacred event or a venue for Haram? It’s that time again! With summer already here and the holy days of Rajab and Sha’ban just around the corner, wedding season is almost here! It truly is a joyous occasion celebrating the marriage of two human beings, especially when both are dedicated to their lives, their religion, their values, and goals.

As Muslims, marriage is a very sacred institution, and along with that, it is also very practical and real. Marriage is not meant to be celebrated only on the day of, or in some cultural cases, the week of. We have all heard of marriage completing half of our faith, and it is exactly that. Once we get married, we are now able to focus on bigger goals, and also going through our daily routines properly and making sure we are living our lives in a Halal manner. Compared to before marriage, we may be more focused on settling down, completing school, getting a job, social life, etc.

Whatever the reason may be, marriage is a blessed union in which we must make sure to understand to the best of our ability, and one in which we must also look at how Islam has guided us to celebrate it.

When it comes to having wedding ceremonies, there are a lot of things to consider: the place, the time, the food, the seating arrangements, the color scheme, the guest list, and even the “ambiance”.

Again, when we say there are a lot of things to consider, none of these things are obligatory, but it seems they have become over the years. Nowadays, we find the to-be couple to be more stressed about venue, colors, food, and even “entertainment” than anything else.

As we have these blessed ceremonies, especially the Nikah, which is the actual marriage in itself, we should make sure that we are keeping it all Halal. Islam’s guidelines are for every day and every era – yes, even on your wedding day, girls! This means the rules of Hijab apply to both men and women. Sure, it may be annoying to hear the complaints, or take some extra effort (and even money) to find a place that has a partition, or to rent one, but it is very worth doing so. Why would we want to start off our new lives by committing sin? Do we want Allah to be angry at us on our wedding day? So big deal if an aunty or friend is mad at you for putting up a curtain because it ruins the “fun” or “stops us from finding prospects for our kids”. Would we want to put the blessings of a marriage and our new life in the trash for something so temporary and unnecessary?

Another main issue is “entertainment”. Again, the rules of Islam do apply on this joyous day for us and our families. We must make sure we are not violating Islamic laws and committing sins just to entertain our guests with music while they eat or socialize – it is not worth it. Honestly, we can bet that nobody will even notice if there is no background music, and if they do notice, who cares? Sinning for others’ pleasure is not it worth it in the long run.

We also find an overall problem of Israaf, or wastefulness. This might be one of our biggest problems today when it comes to our “Muslim” weddings. Trays and trays of food, piles and piles of dessert, extravagant décor, and the most expensive place in town are the trademark of even the simplest wedding. We are not saying it is prohibited if it is within one’s status and budget, but it is something we need to be very, very careful of, especially when we are talking about a relationship which we begin in the name of Allah. Tip: when planning the wedding, we should ask ourselves, “Do we really need this?” Usually this can help us to narrow down and decide if we should use the money for it or not. Remember, there is much reward in helping to pay for a wedding in which the couple cannot afford even a nice outfit to wear, or even to feed their guests – our marriages will be blessed tenfold if our money is spent for helping our fellow brothers and sisters.

So to those getting married, planning a wedding now, or eventually will in the future, don’t forget the rules of Islam do apply to us on our wedding day. Don’t forget that just to please a few people, you will be allowing strange, unrelated men to stare at your daughters/sisters/aunts/cousins without Hijab as they look their best. We must remember that we only beseech Allah to bless our marriages and make them successful and fruitful, and if we go ahead and decide to have that temporary pleasure or become people-pleasers for just that one day or night, we are forgetting the very essence of marriage as taught by our beautiful faith.

About Madiha Zaidi

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  • Asad

    In His name

    jazakAllah al-khair nice article.

  • Essra

    You mentioned the issue of ‘israaf’, sometimes I think israaf can be in actually
    doing a wedding altogether! I’m not against weddings, as they have good intentions, but its just that nowadays it is so expensive to prepare even a small, decent wedding. wouldnt people rather save it for their house expenses, or their honeymoon, or hajj?! If anyone has a comment on what I’m saying, please add below.

  • masooma

    wa alaaykum salaam

    I personally think not having a wedding per se is just fine. People can easily be married at the regular Thursday night program of the masjid in just a few minutes, can’t they?

  • MuslimGirl

    Even tho the cost of a standard wedding these days has gone soaring thru the roof, dusnt mean we should stop having weddings altogether. Its like saying ur going to stop filling up ur car with gas becoz prices are too high, or ur going to stop using the bathroom becoz u cant afford the water bill.

    At the end of the day, all it takes is a look at the lives of the prophet and his family (pbut) to realise that some sort of ceremony is required to mark the event, regardless of how ‘small’ and simple it is.

    The real solution lies in redefining the standard of muslim weddings to remove the imitation of the west, and for people to realise their limit of means and work according to that. Islam doesnt promote extravagance, therefore a true muslim should fear god in thus regard and avoid committing sins or provided an open field of sins for others.

    Also, one should be wise and concious of the money they have and are able to earn so that they draw up a budget which prioritizes where their money should go. Wajibat come first (eg. Hajj) and then comes the more superficial stuff if it is even important to the person in the first place (eg. Honeymoon).

  • um ahmad4

    salam….. I think wedding is one of those occasions mentioned by the prophet where celebration is emphasized. But of course, according to your budget…thanks.

  • Shyda

    I totally agree with the article. The one thing we can start with is NOT to be
    “people pleasers”

  • Zeze88

    Does anyone know where I can the paper that shows those who are getting married? My cousin got married in Karbala a couple months ago and he wont be coming back until next year and I wanted to get a copy of their announcement. If you can email me at jordanncarrillo@yahoo.com

  • Hasnain

    Excellent article and very well written. My sibling’s weddings included a divider between males and females. Also there was no music. During this wedding I honestly thought heck why not have music etc? Now when I look at this years later. I am glad that care was taken to respect our faith well. The most damaging part is that marriages nowadays especially back home are a joke. I clearly believe that we in the west seem to have better standards to uphold our faith better.