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They Came. You Met. You Ran Away.

This guy should be forced to sit with the matchmaking aunties. In fact, scratch that…I think he would rather enjoy their company! He staunchly believes that since you are still single, there has to be a “defect” in you and that his proposal which is sent via one of his matchmaking aunty buddies is something that you should do a two Rak’at Namaz of Shukr for. Puhleease

With the marriage season coming up, some of us are blessed to tie the knot with that perfect guy. Others of us, however, will spend another several months screening and rejecting a vast plethora of gentlemen. For all my sisters who have been or are going through the process, here is a summary of the more interesting samples of the male specimen we encounter:


We have all heard about Napoleon. Well, he died, but his spirit lives on amongst millions of men. It’s used by men who try to overcompensate for a lack of something else – weight, looks, money, even hair! You can spot one by the way he swaggers across the room or, worse, by the cloud of cologne around him to compensate for clean armpits.

Mr. America/UK/Any Other Developed Country that Provides IMF Loans to Yours

You know you’ve met one when his every sentence begins with “You know, in America…”, “In the UK…”, “My apartment in Canada…” If his redundant sentence structure has still not turned you off yet, introduce him to “Indian style” toilets, and let’s see if he is adaptable to change.

Green Card

There is nothing wrong with marrying someone you like and trust, and if she has a Green card, it’s a plus. But come on! It gets a little lame when instead of asking for your A.S.L. (remember the good ole days?), he wants to know everything about your Green card. He had no interest in your life before the “G”; in fact, he’d rather tie the knot with the G if he could.

The Rebound Guy

His engagement just broke, and he’s depressed. His family thinks another girl would be just the remedy. (Go figure!) Two things can happen in this situation:

a. You talk and you figure out he’s sad and needs someone to listen to him. At least we have our girl friends to talk to, but guys are pretty uptight about stuff like this. Maybe after a few free therapy sessions, he actually appreciates your thoughtfulness and things work out.

b. He starts comparing everything between the skies and the earth between his ex and you. In this situation…runnnn, baby, run! Remember that Friends episode when Ross made a list and started comparing Rachel with his ex? Exactly!

Mr. Angelina Jolie

Ya Allah! This fool is worse than Napoleon and needs a reality check. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl have wonderful online conversations filled with smiley faces and loads of winks and nudges. Pictures are exchanged and BAM! Suddenly boy’s online status is always Away on messenger. What did he expect, Jolie? She looks better with Pitt.

Haram Police

Religion is the #1 factor for many of us when we are looking for the right person, i.e. someone that works with you towards becoming that better person. But it kinda starts getting irritating when he thinks he’s got unilateral access to God’s 411 line. Seriously! God did not put us on Earth to punish us, and He created everything for us to enjoy in a Halal manner. So what’s up with the Haram label on everything?

Cultural Ambassador to the World

Culture is good. We all are 100 percent for culture – in MODERATION! This guy should become friends with Mr. Religiosity, and maybe they can rub off on each other. His bio-data indicates is a REM Muslim –you will only see him during Ramadan, Eid, and Muharram. Oh, and when there is free Biryani at mosque. His Facebook is filled with pictures from “Desi Night” and “Dabka Weekend”.

The Bachelor

Why even try with this fool? He is a confirmed bachelor who is only talking to you to pass time, or he got pressured to do so by his family. You might think you are “The One” to change him, but honey, do you even want to go through the hassle of heartache and indigestion? The butterflies that you get in your tummy whenever you chat with him is just a way of your stomach telling you it’s hungry, and a few samosas with some mango lassi should resolve that.

God’s Gift to You

This guy should be forced to sit with the matchmaking aunties. In fact, scratch that…I think he would rather enjoy their company! He staunchly believes that since you are still single, there has to be a “defect” in you and that his proposal which is sent via one of his matchmaking aunty buddies is something that you should do a two Rak’at Namaz of Shukr for. Puhleease!

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  • M. Ali

    Although I am a guy, I still thought this was pretty funny, as there is some truth to each of these “samples.” One thing I’d like to point out, though, concerns the last category. While I’m sure there are guys out there who think there must be something wrong with a girl who still hasn’t gotten married (although if such is the case, who will this poor guy EVER marry?), what irritates me more are girls who act as though looking at you (in a non-haram way of course :-)), much less talking to you, is some kind of stain on their otherwise immaculate reputation. Come on! The Aunties can only do so much of the talking…at some point you also have to put yourself out there a bit. The real dagger is when these same sisters can be found gushing with the non-Muslim boys like it’s a whole different situation all of a sudden. I don’t mean to be so unfair as to say only sisters exhibit this type of behavior; surely it’s a two way street. Since your article was written as a warning to the females, I just wanted to add my 2 cents from the opposite perspective. Otherwise, nice article and best wishes for your future endeavors!

  • genderdefender

    well argued bro! It’s as if they take pleasure in just flushing down the toilet all muslim guys. In fact the desi girls nowadays are often hung up on brad pitt and george clooneys in desiville, that it’s ridiculous…”Like totally, he’s Cloooneeey yaaaar, hai hai…” i HEAR SOME GUSH……lol

  • Mujahid

    Seems to only apply to some cultural groups…

  • M. Ali

    @Mujahid: I’m interested to know what cultural groups you think it applies to. I’m assuming you’re agreeing with genderdefender’s experiences with certain Desis, but I could be wrong.

  • JB

    [quote]at some point you also have to put yourself out there a bit. The real dagger is when these same sisters can be found gushing with the non-Muslim boys like it’s a whole different situation all of a sudden.[/quote]

    Ok let’s not generalise now shall we? Tell me this brother, would you like your sister to “put herself out there” infront of random guys who propose to her? That means your sister would have “put herself out there” infront of guys…and going by the average number of proposals a Muslim girl gets before she says “YES”…well you can do that math. It’s not a cattle show!

    Secondly, most girls are NOT found “gushing” with non-Muslim guys, but yes there are those few who do. Perhaps they are able to freely communicate and interact with those guys because um…they won’t turn around with a box of gelebis and ask “Ohh Sister, will you marry me?!!” (even though you guys sooo don’t match). :O

  • genderdefender

    LOL @ jb, I don’t think many Muslim guys would come up to those sisters in the first place, coz they have probably sought out non-Muslim guys coz they’re desperate for attention and no right minded Muslim guy would talk to them or ever waste a box of jeleebis (yes they’re expensive! lol..) , and if those girls you refer to are so able to “freely communicate” with the other guys…well erm, then maybe they should go ahead and marry them! Simple as that, why turn around and whinge about Muslim guys and the lack of proposals later on. If there’s such a problem, then maybe they should consider their stakes much better with those non-Muslim guys, who will perhaps offer them the dream marriage. YEs, they may be better than Muslim guys in a million things, but at the end of the day the Muslim guys are still much better and deserve more of a chance. It appears as though, the Muslim girls you refer to are very quick to judge Muslim guys, that it is worrying at times. Are the Muslim guys really that bad? Or perhaps is this view a product of the big head the girls develop throught their interactions with non-Muslim guys. Half the time, the average muslim sister just drops her jaws and drools at the very sight of the juicy jelebis, and says “YES, of course I will marry you!”—the gushing comes later on, when a much better looking non-Muslim walks past and throws a glance and a wink! Yes, Muslim guys I’m sure as you may think may have several shortcomings, but when the respect he gives you (yes which is also possible in Muslim boys!) is apparent, the Madonna Muslim sister lands back on earth and starts appreciating the guy more. So yes there are good guys out there! Not everyone is bad, and please don’t generalise (as you stipulate in your post above)

  • mohammed.husain

    This is more ammo for gender wars. Really, is there a point in this? It only fosters defensiveness and furthers the cause of misunderstanding and mis-communication. And the more of that there is, the more difficult it is to get people married. Isn’t living in the West difficult enough? Why must we antagonize each other to make things worse. Senseless. Utterly senseless.

    If someone is going to write this way, at least have the courage to stand by it and put your name by it. I suspect they wouldn’t for it might hurt their marriage prospects.

  • MagicHijabi

    It’s satire..it’s supposed to be a little outrageous. Also, many writers choose not to publicize their names for this very reason. People mis-read or misunderstand and then issues can arise.

    Very funny piece! Can we have a Sisters version?

  • Genderdefender

    Precisely brother hussain, I think my post is trying to raise a valid point as MagicHijabi has pointed out. It alerts us to the reality with subtle references. There is no “hurting marriage prospects” in my view, unless you feel that it may challenge yours in anyway. Lighten up a little, and try to see the bigger picture. Sister JB, no hard feelings I hope ! It’s only light hearted humour, with a touch of seriousness to convey a deeper underlying issue on behalf of brothers’ greievances. Brother Hussain, I’m sure you will find much of value in my post applicable to your plight. So just relax, and enjoy the posts. Sisters version is currently awaited.

  • JB

    Worry not, no hard feelings on this end (alhamdulilah). Just a slight bit curious as to why none of you guys are able to answer my question: Tell me this brother, would you like your sister to “put herself out there” infront of random guys who propose to her?

  • A/S/ to sister JB

    J/A and W/S warahMATULLAHI WAH BARAKATU sister JB! In response your great question; Let’s start by how YOU would feel! Would you like your younger/older sister to “put herself out there” in front of strangers? what would your thoughts be? What about if you had a brother and they were “also hung out to dry” what would your thoughts be or how would you react? Obviously, I can tell tht in the case of scenario 1 (i.e. where you had a sister), I think you’d feel uneasy, uncomfortable, and perhaps a touch sad. hopefully right? Well brothers are no different, I assure they have the same feelings for their sisters (younger or older—as they are all siblings). Obviously there is the concept of integrity for all humans, and maintaining this is important for each individual psychologocially. BUT, the jelebi scenarios is upheld in this case, and the question you asked does not apply to this! =) If the sister is alert when the jelebis are presented (and does like the guy), she should just stay silent for a few seconds, and then grab the box of juciy gelebis and run. Send a postcard to the poor brother a week later apologising for your actions and say that you were “having bad day”, and that “you wish him well in all future prospects”.

  • mohammed.husain


    With all due respect, it seems to me that the bigger picture is that our community is in a state of crisis. This is why conventions like the UMMA convention are mostly networking events because people are beginning to realize that the old methods of getting people married just aren’t working anymore and no one really knows how to move forward. It seems to me that you can be very lighthearted about this because you are probably still pretty young and idealistic (let me guess, early 20s?), have a regular supply of rishtas coming in and haven’t really witnessed all the casualties that accumulate as time passes.

    To me these categories that you described encourage a type of judgmentalism rather than empathy. Let’s face it, there are a lot of assumptions made by each gender about the other, that often stand in the way of mutual understanding. You might say, well we are awaiting the sister’s version, but you are missing the point. I’m not after equality in misunderstanding, it’s about providing a forum for bro’s and sis’s to share and understand each other so that we can support each other in the struggles we each face.

  • A/S/ to sister JB

    First of all my humblest of apologies, to you dear brother for misunderstanding “your viewpoint
    and offence if you took any. Did you always have many rishtas coming in? You seem awfully worried about the lives of the forum contributors rather than looking at the wider issue at hand. Although as my comments revealed, my intention was to promote a jovial atmosphere through this tense discussion at times between genders. However, with your comments, it appears that your posts make it unlikely we will ever get to know what sisters think. and feel. This forum could have perhaps revealed the thoughts behind why the issue of marriage is such a contentious one in our community. as you clearly can read from my posts. They do not “encourage a type of judgementalism rather than empathy”, and neither do my views reflect any state of my maturity which worryingly you presumptuously judged “as being immature and idealistic, and having a regular supply of rishtas coming in”. What rubbish! Frankly speaking, you should look at your rishtas coming in before concerning yourself with the state of affairs of other individuals. Perhaps you needto lighten up a little indeed, and really start seeing the issue from a different perspective. Besides, this discussion involves brothers and sisters and from what I can tell (you seem mature and full of life experiences which I deeply respect). But you need to really start being careful before you jump to conclusions, judge others, or even pass any statments which may encourage misunderstandings. Whilst your viewpoint and life experiences are respected dear brother, you are cautioned on passing judgements yourself. This is a public forum, where we are allowed to air our views within respectful limits. Your comments appear to reflect inflammatory sentiments, and it is only a matter of time before thoughts like those you have aired regarding someone/ person can lead to “judgementalism” and escalate the issue out of proportion. As I revealed in my previous posts, Sister JB has clearly revealed she is open to the manner of our dialogue and did not take any offence(from what she posted on this forum) to what some of the other brothers or I stated. If you don’t like what you are reading, you’re welcome to post your views elsewhere. Don’t impose your views on others especially within this public domain, as the entire article is based on a serious nature yet satirical delivery medum, as you have seen in the article itself. With all due respect, you seem to be portraying a lack of understanding of the atmosphere. Whilst I dutifully respect the nature of the issue in marriages within our community, I understand what you’re saying and know of people in the same situation. Do you always question others on how many rishtas they get? Perhaps it is high time you paid more attention to what the topic is rather than spreading inflammatory sentiments which can perhaps spoil the entire discussion. Perhaps you may see and learn some of the issues which appear to be clouding this problem of marriages in our community from what you believe “younger immature” people have to say to each other.

  • HappilyMarried

    While i was going through the heated comments I thought may be I can share my experience and cool it down a bit. Firstly we must remember that the whole idea of putting oneself out there is only sensible and appropriate once the girls and boys family are thoroughly satisfied with the prospective family of either girl or boy.
    Nobody meaning girl or boy should have to meet the other unless and untill the family meaning parents or friends have thoroughly literally investigated the other family and the girl or the boy.
    Do understand that humility will work not pride.
    You need to understand that by being practicle and not feeling offended if an interested family wants to know about you , you are also at liberty to find out about who you may be interested in.contacting someone personally is definately not the first but the last step.
    Therefore make sure you know as much as possible before you meet someone , this way you might even save a trip.
    Last but not the least please understand that we as muslim youth are willing to go through all the trouble to please no one but Allah. So ask Him to help. Pray 2 rakat talab Ul khair meaning asking for good from Allah , every day ,from the time you realize you want an exceptional life partner who would help you make a better muslm.
    When you do get to meet someone ask the right questions:like what is your idea of a perfect spouse , or what are you looking for in your spouse , what is the ultimate goal in your life, how would u like your spouse to treat you and how will you treat your spouse , whether the person does taqleed or not will help you know about how serious they are about religion , the kind of movies they watch or books they read, whether they like to party or drink , what role does education , justice and equality have in their life , what does liberty mean to them etc etc
    Once again trust in your creator and Duas. Make a sensible decision and never regret it !
    I hope this helps. May we all find the best spouse who is a joy to live with and a pain to leave 🙂

  • NotDesi

    and what if you’re someone who’s NOT brown?
    you know, since most muslims aren’t…

  • Yes

    i WOULD want my brother/sister to put his or herself out there, since HE or SHE is the one looking to enter into a relationship, not his or her entire family.
    one’s happiness and desires are more important that one’s family’s criteria.
    after all, a marriage is a very private affair between TWO people, and only two.

  • Khanum786

    Family, piety, educated & good morals plays important role in choosing lifepartner

  • X

    It is very sad that this reads more like a yahoo piece than a thoughtful Islamic article that could have dealt with the nervousness of proposals and the pressure that they entail. Instead it’s the same drivel I have read for years and is simple mindedness with an unoriginal idea that is supposed to illicit laughs at the expense of the opposite gender.

    56 people failed to realize that by posting this on their facebook, they just narrowed down their choices of finding a better spouse. Drivel like this should be thrown in the garbage. No wonder there it no name to this article. Perhaps the author knew its’ impact of their own reputation?

    In my community, young and mature brothers and sisters are finding difficulty to be married within this society as it is. Tell me how this article furthers this cause? By Allah (swt) is this ummah devoid of so much shame?

    • RE:X

      lighten up! there are plenty of articles on this site which talk about marriage in a very serious and nuanced way, so what’s wrong with a little humor??

    • read the article -_-

      “They Came. You Met. You Ran Away.”

      there’s a name.