Home / News / Opinion / Double standards for sons and daughters are wrong

Double standards for sons and daughters are wrong

There is a serious problem with how many in our broader Shia community give sons preferential treatment over daughters.  This is wrong and completely un-Islamic.  

There is a serious problem with how many in our broader Shia community give sons preferential treatment over daughters.  This is wrong and completely un-Islamic.

How many times have we seen that either girls are not allowed to drive or stay out after dark, but the boys are allowed to do whatever they want until 3 a.m. and nobody even asks where they are or what they are doing?  This is all wrong.

How strange it is that some daughters are given a special burden of maintaining their chastity and being "pure."  They are expected to never make mistakes or bring dishonor to the family.  Meanwhile, their own brothers are allowed to party with non-Muslim women and "have fun while they are still boys."  We would rather have both daughters and sons come home.

On top of this, daughters are often burdened with having to "fix" their future husbands.  They are then treated as slaves for house work and playthings for the bedroom, ignored for their ideas or the positive contributions they could otherwise make to society. 

It is completely shocking to see how in this day and age, the double standard is being played out, that while many of us vociferously uphold Islam’s respect women, yet we treat them as second-class.  We as community members are only really interested in if she is beautiful, if she can cook, and if she can help make babies and take care of them.  They are rarely given a say in much that happens.

The lack of regard in training sons to be strong men and good husbands is to play with fire.  One may just consider how there are many single, religious women in our communities who, if they do not uphold the sacred cow of an un-Islamic idealized femininity, can kiss the idea of marriage good-bye.  That they are being paired up with men–seemingly everyone of whom has a past with the ladies and used to getting it that way–who are not fit to be husbands is a real problem. 

The solutions for this scenario starts at home.  Parents should not be lax with their sons in staying out all hours of the night.  They should not ignore their daughters’ ideas or not nurture them towards leadership roles in the community.

As alienated as many Muslim men feel in the West, many women feel even more so for not being listened to or respected in their own communities.  The women are in the position where they are expected to observe the hijab and face all sorts of pressures the men don’t worry about, yet they are not given enough credit for their determination.  Often times, it is the women who are making sure the walls of an Islamic center remain standing, yet they are not recognized. 

If our community is to move forward, all of us, whether men or women, have to play an active role.  Double standards in treating sons and daughters only cause problems.

 

— 

About admin

Check Also

Ask the Shaykh: How do we know whether we will be on Imam Mahdi’s (ajtfs) side?

Editor’s note: The following was originally published by the Ask the Sheikh publication. It has been shared here …

Time Management in the Perspective of the Ahlulbayt and Qur’an, Part III

Editor’s note: Islamic Insights is honored to host a short series on “Time Management” by …