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The Dreaded “S” Word

Proper sex ed. is essential for our youthI actually feel very weird and rebellious for even writing about this, to be honest with you. But why is that? Why is it that when Muslims hear the word “sex”, we run and hide?Proper sex ed. is essential for our youthThe “S” word. We all look around when we hear it. We even feel kind of guilty when we have to read or learn about it in school. I actually feel very weird and rebellious for even writing about this, to be honest with you. But why is that? Why is it that when Muslims hear the word “sex”, we run and hide?

Due to the Western media, which has made this topic so exposed and unnatural, we automatically feel as if the way the media has exposed and publicized it, running and hiding is the only way to deal with it. And now Muslims have fallen into the trap of ignoring the situation. Let’s be real here – we live in a society where that is life. Girls are taught through every vice that they are born to be slaves to men, supposed to be dolled up and seek the attention of men. And young boys are taught at a young age that their number one reason for getting married, or being a man, is just for lust.

In fifth grade, in my elementary school, we took home permission slips to get signed by our parents regarding watching a movie on “growing up”, the maturation process of boys and girls. The boys had their video to watch, and the girls had theirs. This was a public school, which most Muslim kids today attend. Fifth grade – that is, age ten.

What have we done in our centers and our homes to combat and correct the views that our kids are fed at such a young age? Some people may argue, “Well, don’t sign the permission slip!” So what, you think ten-year-old kids are not going to discuss what they saw? Reality check: they will, they are, and they will continue to all the way through high school, where it just gets worse.

It’s not only about these “health class” videos; it’s about everything they see: TV shows, movies, video games, music, and even fellow classmates. What is YOUR backup plan to guiding your child, sibling, or community to being educated on the subject?

Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi states in his book Marriage and Morals in Islam: “Sex education should begin in mid-teens when the children become sexually mature. The aim of sex education at this level should be to help them in understanding that they are responsible and accountable for using their sexual organs. They should be taught how to deal with sexual tension.”

He also addresses the fact that sexual education in the West is focused on controlling pregnancy, not on abstaining until marriage. Contrary to popular belief, Islam does advocate suppressing sexual needs and natural instincts. That is why it is so highly encouraged to marry early, or even do temporary marriage if it becomes a problem for one to control his/her desires.

Sayyid Rizvi states under his explanation of Islamic sexual morality: “No text in Islam can be found to equate sex with inherent evil or sin; whatever has been taught by the Qur’an, Prophet Muhammad and his Ahlul Bayt (peace be upon them) points in the opposite direction.”

For example, “It is important to realize that in Islamic texts, the idea of marriage is not restricted to a platonic relationship between husband and wife, nor is it confined to sex for the purpose of procreation. The legal term for marriage is Nikah, which literally means ‘sexual intercourse’.”

How many of us knew that? I had no idea that that is what the term Nikah means. There are countless references in the Holy Qur’an and narrations of the Infallibles that prove that fulfilling one’s sexual needs is a healthy and necessary aspect in one’s life. The entire book by Sayyid Rizvi is available online.

The point I am trying to raise is the fact that there are serious issues arising within the Muslim world today, specifically amongst the youths, who are falling into many more evil vices today than ever before. Casual dating is accepted and popular, even publicized on sites like Facebook or MySpace. And recently, there has been news of Muslim girls having abortions and naturally hiding everything from their parents. So why is all this being done? There can be many explanations, but I would definitely say that the most important one is the fact that early marriages are not being promoted or supported. An early marriage does not mean that the couple must live together and have a fancy, full-blown wedding. Rather, Islam offers alternatives and encourages a simple lifestyle, especially in situations where it would otherwise lead to committing illegitimate sexual acts.

So how do we stop things like illicit sexual activity and unwanted pregnancies from taking place in our communities?

Most of us who have attended public schools in the West can remember sitting in health class and learning about birth control and abstinence. It didn’t really matter to us, because we never thought about this stuff. It is a different story now. Reality check #2: Muslim youth are dating. Muslim girls are getting pregnant before marriage. It is common to openly talk about sexual needs among them. But what are we doing about that?

The most important thing to do is to educate the young Muslims on what is permissible and not permissible in Islam regarding sexual activity. Now that pregnancy is an issue, we need to educate and teach the communities about birth control, and that it is allowed in Islam.

This may come as a shock to some people, but we need to realize that these are legitimate issues arising in our communities, and if we continue to ignore them, they will only get worse. Allah has bestowed ways for us to help ourselves; therefore, why do people who are seeking those ways have to suffer due to people just not being comfortable with these ways? We need to understand the importance of making sure that we are providing opportunities and offering Halal and permissible ways to stop sinning, even though it may be out of our comfort zone.

Holding small discussion circles amongst your peers is a good way. Elder ladies and young married ladies can sit and talk with younger Muslims girls about problems that may be arising in their lives, how to deal with them, and practical ways to stay in control of your desires. The same can be done for older men and younger men also. Support groups and open communication are extremely necessary for problems like this, because nobody seems to want to address these “taboo” things openly.

Sharing Qur’anic references and teachings of the Ahlul Bayt, as well as teaching the general Islamic perspective to solving these kinds of issues, will help bring the reality and practicality of Islam into young Muslims’ lives. Is that not what we want? We are losing our future leaders to problems that we shouldn’t have to, since Islam offers a solution for each and every one of them. But firstly, it is necessary for us to realize that.

About Madiha Zaidi

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  • question

    [quote]What have we done in our centers and our homes to combat and correct this view that our kids are fed at such a young age? [/quote]

    What exactly was wrong with the “Growing Up” class held in 5th grade? By that age, the girls are baligha and a good percentage of them *could* get pregnant. It seems in line with what you later stated by Maulana Rizvi, particularly for girls.
    [quote]Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi states in his book Marriage and Morals in Islam: “Sex education should begin in mid-teens when the children become sexually mature. [/quote] By age 10, some are already sexually mature.
    I know the intent behind these programs is to get the kids the information right when they need it – early for some, but hopefully not too late for others. I remember attending mine and while kids were embarrassed, it was very technical and did not promote sexual activity. I think if the kids are going to be going to public school, or watching TV, etc., then doing it later could be a problem? If you wait until age 14, or 15, it could be too late even for a Muslim child who unfortunately might be dating.

  • Answer

    I strongly agree with this article. In reply to “question” posed above, with all due respect, I am not sure how old the commenter is. Health class in public schools today is very different from what it was in the past. As a recent graduate of the US public school system, I can tell you myself: the scope of many of these “health” classes is not technical at all. Nowadays, the basic moral that is being taught is – how to be sexually active and get away without your parents finding out! It is outrageous to see in public high schools that organizations like “Planned Parenthood” are being invited to conduct health classes!! This type of education is simply encouraging promiscuity. As Muslims, we have a responsibility to teach our children about how pre-marital promiscuity is wrong and harmful. But from my experience, these “health” classes are only encouraging haram sexual behavior by providing loopholes.

  • high school vs. elementary

    Your point is taken, but the elementary presentation is, at least here where I live, very different than what is presented in the high schools. The elementary presentation is a technical presentation about what happens to a body in puberty and how pregnancy occurs.

    The high school health classes tend to have a component about the health aspects of sexually transmitted disease and birth control as well as more information about the biological details of pregnancy. The Planned Parenthood presenters are usually the ones providing information about the STD’s and birth control options. While this information would not be necessary for a chaste Muslim youth, for sexually active high schoolers they may benefit from these facts instead of some of the incorrect information they hear. I have watched these presentations recently as they are presented here, and at least in my location they are not encouraging sex but actually tell youth abstinence is the best option. However, of course there is little discussion of morality as religion is kept out of the schools, so abstinence is promoted from emotional, financial, and physical well-being standpoints.

  • agree also

    I agree that early marriage should be promoted and more accepted as an option if people are mature enough for it. Further, sexual education is needed and anyone with kids in the public schools has full right to investigate the program before having the kids participate. But if they don’t participate, they will still get some kind of information. If it isn’t information in the style we want, then the option is to provide sex education of our own, through Saturday school madressah. The fact that Muslim youth are dating and getting pregnant, etc., shows that getting them correct information at a young age is important. The schools will give them technically correct information. But the morals have to come from home, and madressah can support that.

  • A sister in U.S.

    Thanks for bringing up this issue. It is true, we have a problem, but the root of the matter starts with a family. We have families living in U.S. who follow the same customs and ideologies they were taught many many years ago. Someone should tell these parents please wake up and smell the roses. Here we have different society, we are living in a different era, and different needs are here. We can be flexible based on Islamic rules; we can talk to our children, voice our concerns and let them voice theirs. Be open to ideas and don’t suppress any issues that are not in our favor. Each young individual is different based on their needs about sex education. Yes, as a parent you have the choice not to sign the slip and not have your child go to sex education class. You also have a choice of talking to them and teaching them individually based on their needs with Islamic guidance, and you can home school your children as well, but having a pregnant teenage Muslim girl on hand, I don’t think is her fault. I would blame the family. I would say the family plays a giant role in bringing up kids with the right Islamic values. By the way, I had never heard that a Muslim single girl could do temporary marriage. I know temporary marriage is available for our young brothers, but for the girls, I don’t know about that. Another concern for me is this; don’t you think that young girls have needs and concerns too? They just should sit and wait for that charming prince to come along whenever he feels like he is ready!!!!!!! I know Islam permits temporary marriage for the young brothers, but do you think the community they are living in or the friends they are associating with, they would go easy on them? I ask every young brother out there, what are you waiting for? Why don’t you get married? You say it is hard, the family does not accept me, I say when one door gets closed; God will open another one for you. Try another person.
    So as a conclusion I say not only the family needs to have Islamic education, the young people do as well. Families should realize the issues of young people; find a way for dealing with it and solving the issues. They should understand this era is very different with the one they are familiar with. We need active Islamic leaders in the communities to educate each individual. We (parents and youth both) need to lower our expectations, we need to rely on God’s ruling rather than our custom or our culture, we need to bring the mahars down, don’t ask for high and outrageous no- none- sense values, families should realize the youngs can go to university and be married to, families should understand by helping the young generation to get married, not only they are saving the youth but also they are saving the future generations as well. Parents should be involved in daily activities of their youth to know what they go through here in America.

  • Muslim sex ed

    I attended a Muslim sex ed class recently. It was very explicit, divided by gender of course. It talked about STD’s, birth control, abortion, rules about ghusl and najasat, pregnancy, what is permissible between husband and wife in that regard, hygiene, rights of husband/wife in that regard. The audience was girls age 16 and up plus some younger girls with parent present/parent consent.

  • Muslimah

    I agree with the comment written by (a sister from US on Nov 3rd)
    …..”. By the way, I had never heard that a Muslim single girl could do temporary marriage. I know temporary marriage is available for our young brothers, but for the girls, I don’t know about that. Another concern for me is this; don’t you think that young girls have needs and concerns too? They just should sit and wait for that charming prince to come along whenever he feels like he is ready!!!!!!! I know Islam permits temporary marriage for the young brothers, but do you think the community they are living in or the friends they are associating with, they would go easy on them? I ask every young brother out there, what are you waiting for? Why don’t you get married? You say it is hard, the family does not accept me, I say when one door gets closed; God will open another one for you. Try another person. “

    There are situations where temporary marriage is allowed, it not a remedy to the problems we are facing in our Muslim society. Unfortunately instead of encouraging a Muslim brother to get married they are told that there are alternative ways. To me it is wrong for two reasons: number one and the most important one, Muslim girls maintain their chastity till they get married and for their “prince charming” who will come and save them from the grip of loneliness, and lack of companionship, but that prince charming is too busy “dating” by convincing himself that it is “allowed”, DOES ANYONE SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Second how is temporary marriage different from dating? Granted the “wife” is given certain rights. The consequences are the same. There are brothers who are past due for getting married, but they use temporary marriage to fulfill their animalistic desires. WHY DON’T YOU GET MARRIED? What kind of examples are you setting for the future generations?
    I have a moral question, are we putting more emphasis on a man’s feelings and needs over a woman’s? Aren’t women human beings don’t we have feelings too? I hope my brother along with other brothers read this comment and ponder.

    Before getting offended and trying to explain what temporary marriage means and that it is allowed, please ponder over the points I tried to make, and lets be realistic those facts are consequences of that widely recommended term.

  • Ali Abid

    Salaam brothers and sisters,
    I do not leave posts, ever, though I sometimes read others. But because this topic is increasingly relevant to me and due to the high etiquette of the comments above , I have decided to comment on this topic so that I may learn more from you all, especially from the sisters, insha-Allah.
    [quote]temporary marriage is available for our young brothers[/quote]
    Mut’a is only permissible when the involved man is unable to get married permanently, and is unable to practice temporary abstinence. Some contemporary uses of the Mut’a law as a halal means of dating is a transgression, in my opinion. 🙁 You are free to disagree.
    [quote]don’t you think that young girls have needs and concerns too?[/quote]
    Actually, up until I read what you wrote, I honestly did not think this was the case at all. The reason for this is that women do not need men. Women are actually smarter than men and men are no longer necessary for labor. We have machines for that now 🙂 Furthermore, I cannot imagine a girl looking at a guy the way guys looks at a pretty girl. May Allah(SWT) protect us guys from temptations. I had no idea girls actually felt “loneliness, and lack of companionship.” This is either a revelation for me, or you, my dear sister, seem to be an exception to what I believe to be the norm.
    [quote]what are you waiting for?[/quote]
    When I actually realize that it is possible that girls might like boys and not just cars and money. 😉 Then, I must decide whether I am likable person. Currently, I think not.
    [quote]You say it is hard, the family does not accept me, I say when one door gets closed; God will open another one for you. Try another person.[/quote]
    Although this is certainly reasonable, it is not reality for some brothers, especially myself, my dear sister. I know not whether I am an exception or just ignorant of the prevailing view. When someone does not like a particular favor of ice cream, they are free to try another. Sorry if you are lactose intolerant :cry:. Again, I cannot speak for all brothers, but if a guy really likes a particular girl, he should desire to marry no one else but her. If he gets rejected by her, or much less importantly, her family, he should be in utter loss. He would be crushed. The fear of such a calamitous rejection is reason enough not to propose in the first place, at least for me. A possible solution to this dilemma, perhaps only mine, would be for a proposal from girl’s side. However, this idea is vastly absurd considering that most girls are extremely shy. Compound this with my own notion that most girls nowadays would only fancy guys like they fancy jewelry and clothes. To be worn once or twice and never again. To toy with a guy’s feelings for right good jest, and then on to the next. (

  • joking?

    Brother, if you’re not joking, then you have a very incorrect and skewed view of women. I hope you can correct it before trying to marry or you and your wife would both be lonely and miserable in marriage. Women are not an alien species, they are human beings too.

    [quote]Actually, up until I read what you wrote, I honestly did not think this was the case at all. The reason for this is that women do not need men. Women are actually smarter than men and men are no longer necessary for labor. We have machines for that now smilies/smiley.gif Furthermore, I cannot imagine a girl looking at a guy the way guys looks at a pretty girl. May Allah(SWT) protect us guys from temptations. I had no idea girls actually felt “loneliness, and lack of companionship.” This is either a revelation for me, or you, my dear sister, seem to be an exception to what I believe to be the norm.[/quote]

  • minimadmonkey

    thats what I hoped to hear…

  • minimadmonkey

    To toy with a guy’s feelings for right good jest, and then on to the next. (

  • minimadmonkey

    I am quite aware this is probably not representative of how most girls think, but rather this is how I think they think.
    [quote]Why don’t you get married?[/quote]
    Again, this lies in my pre-conceived notion that there is no real reason for women to care for or about men. Hence, I doubt whether a marriage would be based in love and wisdom, rather than lust and desire.
    [quote]What kind of examples are you setting for the future generations?[/quote]
    That depends on who you ask. Some know its no good, while others [i]think [/i]they are on al-Sirat al-Mustakeem.
    [quote]I have a moral question, are we putting more emphasis on a man’s feelings and needs over a woman’s?[/quote]
    Again, as per my former perspective, I always considered most women completely independent and free of any carnal needs. The selfish and animal nature of man is obvious. If you are referring to the fact that most societies would consider it permissible for their son to date while not so for their daughters, it is, in my opinion, you are free to disagree :-), most likely either of two things. The lack of religious principles of a family, and/or adherence to certain patriarchal customs that have, instead of being abolished, been incorporated under an Islamic guise… (misinterpretation/tahrif of “We have made men a degree greater.”)
    [quote]Aren’t women human beings don’t we have feelings too?[/quote]
    Absolutely, I just doubted that any sane and upright girl could ever desire scoundrels, aka, men.

    I urge readers to critique my thoughts because my gut tells me there must be something wrong with the way I think.

    As an afterthought, I noticed that none of the comments are signed by real names. Rather interesting, assuming that the commentators read the article. I applaud the fact that certain individuals are finally recognizing that the status quo is no longer an acceptable reality, albeit anonymously. However, there is no shame in seeking knowledge, as I have been told. Of course, it may be easier for me to say that because I am living on campus at college.

  • minimadmonkey

    Of course, there is a high probability that I am overthinking a very simple phenomenon. Is there anyone out there to admonish me in this regard?

  • SheShia

    #1 [quote]I urge readers to critique my thoughts because my gut tells me there must be something wrong with the way I think. [/quote]

    Your name ”Mini-Mad-Monkey” suits you well.

    #2 [quote]Absolutely, I just doubted that any sane and upright girl could ever desire scoundrels, aka, men. [/quote]

    It’s funny how some men would never think of this when they are actually engaging in haram acts with other non-mahram women.
    These ”sane” and ”upright” females you refer to do indeed desire men/partners/husbands. As Islam tells us, women have NINE parts of the desire for a partner, while a man has only ONE. However, a woman’s shyness is also NINE parts. Whilst you say that you had no idea women desire men, ”aka scoundrels”, I think that is because you are thinking about it on the level of physical needs only. Whilst some women do desire only that aspect too, females generally, desire a companion. Someone who is trust worthy, caring, loving and someone who would sail every ocean to fulfill her every desire. So whilst you think that not wanting a ”man” would mean a woman would be ”upright”, don’t think that those females who need a man are ”upside-down”. It’s called having emotions. It is these emotions which when played with, especially with the younger generation, that many females fall into haram relationships.

    Also, when people call men ”animals”, I can’t help but think that they are using this idea as an excuse to engage in haram acts. Because just likewomen, God has blessed men with one thing animals don’t have-intelligence. Use it wisely and make sure there is a clear distinction between yourselves and animals, because, you are HUMAN, and shall be held responsible for your actions and disrespect towards women, both non-Muslim and Muslim alike! 🙁

  • minimadmonkey

    [quote]Your name ”Mini-Mad-Monkey” suits you well. [/quote]
    Actually, I am a huge fan of alliteration. But I never quite realized that my screen name could be associated so negatively… 🙁
    [quote]As Islam tells us, women have NINE parts of the desire for a partner, while man has only ONE. However, a woman’s shyness is also NINE parts[/quote]
    Shyness is one of the aspects of women that I greatly admire. However, I face a conundrum if I ever try to approach a girl. Knowing that girls are shy, there is just no way they would feel comfortable talking about anything with a guy. I would never want to put any sister in such an uncomfortable situation. Hence, I avoid girls altogether and try as hard as I can to convince myself that love is just a dream, and that I am a fool for thinking otherwise. That I would probably cause more harm than good. That there is no point in liking a girl if she would never express her own attraction to you due to her “shyness.”
    As an afterthought, maybe that is why I am so bitter…
    [quote]Use it wisely and make sure there is a clear distinction between yourselves and animals, because, you are HUMAN, and shall be held responsible for your actions and disrespect towards women, both non-Muslim and Muslim alike![/quote] Absolutely we are both human, however, due to the lack of “shyness” present in guys, it is much easier to demonize us.
    [quote]females generally, desire a companion.Someone who is trust worthy, caring, loving and someone who would sail every ocean to fulfill her every desire. [/quote] If that were true, how come it is not reality? As a point of reference, what I have observed throughout high school, and to a much lesser extent, in university, is that generally Caucasian females prefer “macho” guys as opposed to “nice” guys. If the desire you describe above were present in most girls, then why is it not present in 90% of American women? And what should convince me that the same ratio exists not in Muslim women? The only reasonable answer I could think of is that it is just a phase. I suppose it would be justifiable then.
    I do not mean to offend anyone, nor to portray anyone in a negative light, but these are just some of the observations that I have made and pondered about for quite some time. If things were simple, then this would not be an issue and this article would never have been written. However, this is a question that I believe most of us can relate to, and I really desire some answers as to why if a thing were so natural and simple, it is so difficult to understand.

  • A sister

    I would like to ask the administration of this publication read the comments and post answers for us. Having comments and posting them is not going to solve the problem. I see people are arguing to a point that the main subject sometimes gets lost. I beg of you talk to the molanas and present to them these questions and publish the answers. Please do not say we see concerns go read this book or that book. If you want us to come back and read, answer us here or publish an article that refers to the questions we asked not a general reference. So I would like to put my questions in order and see answers posted to them one by one. Here we are:

    1- Why a man can do muteh in first place?

    2- Why a girl is not allowed to do muteh?

    3- A) I understand doing muteh should be with non virgin girl, (because a virgin girl needs permition from her parents) aren’t we putting down those ladies by doing muteh to them? How do you like it if someone does that to your own sister?

    B) Why do we say do muteh to non Muslim, don’t you think we are giving more value to Muslim women and using the rest?

    4- A) why is a married man allowed to perform muteh?

    B) How come a married woman can not do that?

    Thank you
    p.s. terms of usage does not come up at all

  • a few brief answers

    1. A man can do mutah because it is a type of marriage permitted by God.
    2. Of course a female can do mutah, if she couldn’t, who would the guys be marrying?
    3. A non-independent virgin girl needs permission for marriage whether it is mutah or not. There are some who would not have any problem for their sisters or daughters to do mutah in certain cases. How is it putting them down, please explain?
    4. Who said do mutah with non-Muslims?
    5. A married woman cannot take other mates whether it is mutah or permanent marriage. So are you talking about polygyny in general? Polygyny is allowed as an aid to orphans and women because men are the maintainers of women in Islamic law and marriage can be a solution to her problems of maintenance. There are many restrictions and conditions about when temporary marriage, permanent marriage, polygynous marriage should be done – everyone involved should be careful that they are doing what is best for all involved insha’allah.

    Anyway, there will be an article on mut’ah by a scholar here in a few weeks I think.

  • A sister

    With all due respect, are you in a position of answering? I mean, is your Islamic knowledge approved by a mulana? Or are you simply stating your opinion?

    In regards to question #2, I am talking about a virgin girl. A virgin girl can not do mutah. A virgin girl needs to have her dad’s permition for her marriage (despite the fact she is dependent or not dependent), right? Which dad do you know in the real life that would allow his virgin daughter to do mutah? You said “A non-independent virgin girl needs permission for marriage whether it is mutah or not”. A virgin girl who is not dependent to her family, why would she do mtueh? Do you know any one? In number three, you say in certain cases they do not mind to do mutah, what are those cases?

    By putting down the non Muslim woman, I mean to say:
    How come it is ok for our male to be with a human being under the label of different religion (Christian, Jew) and then move on to the next one? Are we considering non Muslim women having less value than Muslim women?

    So when a man does muteh, he can choose between Muslim and non Muslim? Why don’t we (girls) have that selection as well?

    And finally why a married man can do muteh? For God sake he is married already.

  • a brother

    Sister, I’m reading your questions and while I think it’s good to ponder over things, I think your criticisms are ironic. You are raising issue over whether the brother or sister answering you is approved by a maulana (meaning a person who wears a turban and studies you probably mean), which is not even an Islamic criteria. If the brother or sister is answering legal issues according to what the grand scholars say, which I see being done, than that is sufficient. If you want to raise cultural issues about whether fathers allow their daughters to have a temporary marriage or not, that is a completely different discussion which our grand scholars are far more reticent about involving themselves in.

    Regarding your questions about guys approaching virgin Muslim girls for mutah, I know of several such relationships that were encouraged in fact by their families.

    Regarding whether a virgin girl who is not dependent on her family can have a mutah without permission, that is decidedly a minority position as the vast majority of our scholars do not allow such a relationship.

    Regarding why a woman might want to have a mutah, she might have many reasons. She might want the companionship of a man. She might want to have sex. She might want to be engaged to a future spouse and since Islam doesn’t recognize engagement she and her fiance have a mutah so that they can talk without sin taking place and get to know each other. She might have a job where physical contact with a man is necessary for some reason and a mutah gives her the peace of mind of knowing she is not committing a sin.

    By the way, I know of men who have engaged in long term mutahs with Ahlul-Kitab women and are for all intents and purposes husband and wife. So your issue about whether some people are more valuable or not is besides the point.

    The rest of your questions I would rather not answer due to lack of time. Insha-Allah someone else will explain.

  • Arsalan.Rizvi

    In the upcoming few weeks, there will be an article by the scholar Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi on the topic of Mut’a in the Clergy Corner section of Islamic Insights. Until then, we ask readers to refrain from making any personal comments or statements on this highly sensitive matter that might serve to misinform others. If you have any particular issues or questions that you would like Sayyid Rizvi to address, please email them to us at editor [at] islamicinsights.com.

    Wassalam Alaikum,

    The Islamic Insights Team

  • Zahara

    Sister, thank you for having the courage to write such a great article. I loved that it was the spark for so much needed dialogue – we are merely human, are we not? May Allah bless you…

  • muhib

    temporary marriage is not allowed in islam in my limited knowledge. check it up if you are interested.

  • najafi110

    Actually, the Prophet [saww] permitted Mutah, and the Qur’an makes this clear. Take a look at this: http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/en/index.php

  • Asad

    Provide condoms and sex education in our centers for the youth – left answer.

  • aghast

    temporary marriage? that’s a terrible thing to say. marriage in islam is meant to last for one’s whole life, with divorce left off as a final option in the case of a marriage that can’t be salvaged.
    marriage isn’t some disgusting, unholy TOOL to be used for sex.
    this is sickening.

    • RE:aghast

      Take it up with God! The proofs are evident from Quran and Hadith of its permissibility.

      • aghast

        i know my faith, i speak only from what is right, only from what god has allowed. so don’t you dare tempt me to “take it up with god,” as if you have the right to say something like that. such arrogance.
        i need not take it up with god, because god has already taken it up with us, and made his commands very clear. as we are to follow only him, the proof of it not being allowed is evident in the qur’an and hadith.

        • RE: aghast

          Have you seen this? http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/en/index.php

          If not, you should take a look. It will show you how God and his Prophet (saww) have made it permissible. 🙂

          • aghast

            i have indeed, i wouldn’t be arguing without looking first at the so-called “proof.”
            the english translation of qur’an 4:24 on this site is COMPLETELY different from just about every other translation, especially in regards to so-called “temporary marriage,” and i would love to know who provided that translation.
            in order to show you this, i have uploaded a simple picture online showing numerous other reputable translations which shows how different they are from the one on “answering-ansar”:

            http://oi55.tinypic.com/2my3kax.jpg

            when it comes to translations, an inexact art, i hardly think the minority should be followed, especially when so many others are in agreement.

          • aghast

            agreement against*, i should say.

          • RE:aghast

            Indeed, translations can often be quite subjective. Let’s look at the Arabic term used in the verse:

            فَمَا اسْتَمْتَعْتُمْ بِهِ مِنْهُنَّ فَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةً

            If you can’t tell, it uses the term ISTAMTA’TUM, which is a conjugation of the root term MUT’A.

            Even Sunni historians agree that the Prophet [saww] declared this practice permissible, and that Umar made it unlawful later.

          • aghast

            but brother/sister, you haven’t PROVEN that the prophet declared it permissible :/. in order to do so, you must show the appropriate hadith, as well as a reliable and unbroken chain or narration related to it.

            in addition, it does use the term istamta’tum, but not everyone is in agreement that that term means “temporary marriage.” in fact, it seems that most aren’t, as they haven’t included it in their translations. do you see the problem?

          • aghast

            chain of narration*

          • RE:aghast

            Regarding the translators, please note that most of them do not follow the School of Ahlul Bayt [as]; hence, they have interpreted the term differently. Plus, the Arabic language is so rich that to understand a single word of the Quran often requires voluminous explanations, which is why translators often settle for a simpler term in order to avoid confusion. For example, the term Kauthar is simply translated as “abundance”, when in fact the scholars of exegesis have written hundreds of pages on its meaning and significance!

            If you would like to see narrations that the Prophet [saww] allowed mutah, here you go:

            Abdullah (b. Mas’ud) reported: We were on an expedition with Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) and we had no women with us. We said: Should we not have ourselves castrated? He (the Holy Prophet) forbade us to do so He then granted us permission that we should contract temporary marriage for a stipulated period giving her a garment, and ‘Abdullah then recited this verse: ‘Those who believe do not make unlawful the good things which Allah has made lawful for you, and do not transgress. Allah does not like trangressers” (al-Qur’an, v. 87).

            Sahih Muslim, Book 008, Number 3243

            Salama b. al. Akwa’ and Jabir b. Abdullah reported: Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) came to us and permitted us to contract temporary marriage.

            Sahih Muslim, Book 008, Number 3247

            Ibn Uraij reported: ‘Ati’ reported that Jabir b. Abdullah came to perform ‘Umra, and we came to his abode, and the people asked him about different things, and then they made a mention of temporary marriage, whereupon he said: ‘Yes, we had been benefiting ourselves by this temporary marriage during the lifetime of theHoly Prophet (may peace be upon him) and during the time of Abu Bakr and ‘Umar.

            Sahih Muslim, Book 008, Number 3248

            Jabir b. ‘Abdullah reported: We contracted temporary marriage giving a handful of (tales or flour as a dower during the lifetime of Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) and durnig the time of Abu Bakr until ‘Umar forbade it in the case of ‘Amr b. Huraith.

            Sahih Muslim, Book 008, Number 3249

          • aghast

            ahhh hadith, what a wonderful change. thank you for that.
            nonethless, seeing as how the hadith are not divinely protected, countless numbers have been fabricated over the centuries. i cannot accept any of these without a complete and reliable chain of narration.

            as for your saying, “please note that most of them do not follow the School of Ahlul Bayt,” that brings a whole different argument to the table, one of sectarian differences. as such, it isn’t valid here, as proper translations are just that, translations. from one language to another, all that is necessary is knowledge of the languages, not belief in some sort of “school,” leading to “interpretations.” in fact, ANY interpretations drawn from belief in a school of thought (ANY school of thought) are questionable at best, seeing as how they are vulnerable to conflicts of interest, instead of being direct and objective translations. given that, i would say that because these translators don’t follow “the School of Ahlul Bayt,” their translations are the most reliable.

          • RE:aghast

            The traditions I quoted are only from one collection; there are similar traditions about the permissibility of mutah in countless other books. And all Muslim historians agree that the Prophet [saww] did permit mutah at some point. So all these traditions are fabricated, the historians are all mistaken, everyone else is wrong, and you are right? Why..? Is it because you don’t understand the philosophy behind this practice and cannot comprehend why in the world Islam would allow something so “unholy” and “sickening”? If so, you should read these two articles by female converts to Islam which explain the idea and philosophy behind mutah:
            http://www.al-islam.org/reflectionsnewmuslim/4.htm#4
            http://www.al-islam.org/al-serat/muta/

            As far as your comment about translations, please note that it is impossible to translate any religious text without “sectarian” biases. As we know, there are some words within the Arabic language that can have over 70 different meanings. The meaning which the translator chooses will be largely dictated by his sectarian/philosophical leaning. It is logically impossible to have a translation devoid of this bias. As another example, take the verse 5:55 in the Quran — depending on the translator’s sect, he will translate it to say “…and they give charity and they bow”, or if he belongs to a different sect, he will translate it as “…and they give charity WHILE they bow.”

            That is why if you look at the older versions of Yusufali’s translation, they were always referred to as “an English INTERPRETATION of the Qur’an”. The other translators don’t follow the School of Ahlul Bayt, but they do follow the School of the Companions (popularly referred to as the “Ahlul Sunnah” or the “Sunnis”), and hence their translations (which are in reality interpretations) are also unavoidably subject to the teachings of their sects.

          • aghast

            no, we do not. bukhari was no prophet, after all, or even a sahabiyy. and even if some were to say we did, nothing can truly be accepted without the evidence, even hadith related by bukhari. so no, i’m not the only who’s right at the expense of all these other people. rather, i and others who try to rely solely on reason and evidence (in this case, chains of narration) to see whether or not a hadith is valid are correct at the expense of all those who do not. any credible historian would think the same, so i am sure many of the “historians” you mentioned do just that, and are, indeed, correct. an ad hominem attack against me without providing the evidence for why these hadith are correct doesn’t advance your argument in any way. instead, it makes it seem like you’ve been backed up into a corner.

            as for your rebuttal to my comment about translations, please note that i know plenty of arabic speakers who could sit down with a qur’anic verse, without any knowledge of what any school believes in regard to that verse, and translate it objectively. i also know many speakers of many other languages who could do the same with those languages. it is illogical to assume that a person would necessarily see all words through a colored lens, a lens which is colored by his or her “philosophical leaning.” have some more faith in humanity than that. consider, as an example, one who does not subscribe to ANY school of thought, but is incredibly proficient in arabic (a non-muslim, for example). could that person not then translate a qur’anic objectively and correctly? of course he/she could.

          • aghast

            in regards to the two articles you posted, both of them base their argument on the “alternative” translation of 4:24 that i have already presented an argument against, so you’ve brought nothing new to the table with them. in addition, the second one tries to justify its view a few times by implying that a “shi’a” viewpoint is superior to a “sunni” viewpoint, and because the latter doesn’t present its arguments using the the former, those arguments can’t be valid. now that’s no argument at all, it’s just counterproductive.

            as for yusuf ali, well, unfortunately, he was no prophet either. perhaps he was colored by his personal philosophical leanings, but that’s no guarantee that all the others were.

          • aghast

            i believe you may have changed your original posting in this part: “The traditions I quoted are only from one collection; there are similar traditions about the permissibility of mutah in countless other books.”
            becuase of this, the “bukhari” part of my response seems out of place. if you have, indeed, changed your posting, then you know what i am replying to in saying that part of my response.

            as for “The traditions I quoted are only from one collection; there are similar traditions about the permissibility of mutah in countless other books,” once again, if these are hadith you are referring to, a complete and reliable chain or narration must be provided to make a good argument. i’m sorry, but that’s just all there is to it :/

          • aghast

            note: wherever it says “bukhari,” read his name or the name of “muslim,” that other famous narrator.

            sorry for the confusion.

          • RE:aghast

            I don’t think you understand what I mean, so let me try a different way — let’s say somewhere it was written: “John is gay.” Now, what does the term “gay” mean? It could mean that John is happy, or it could mean that he is a homosexual. If you were translating it into another language, what meaning would you take? It would depend on the situation and context, and here again, we see that an “objective” translation is not possible without at least SOME degree of interpretation required. Now, the term “gay” only has two meanings in English, whereas as I mentioned earlier, there are many words in Arabic which have over 70 acceptable meanings. So the word chosen for translation will no doubt be a subjective choice.

            Also, keep in mind that the Arabic used in the Quran is VASTLY different from the Arabic used today (both standard and colloquial), so again, it is not as easy as you think to simply “translate” a verse. I agree that some verses are pretty obvious, and anyone with an elementary knowledge of Arabic could translate those, but for contentious issues like this, it is not so straightforward. That is why the science of tafseer developed in the first place! 🙂 If you are saying that there is a way to “objectively” translate every single verse in the Quran, how do you explain the hundreds of different interpretations that exist of many verses? I mentioned one example (5:55), and there are plenty more.

          • aghast

            with all of this, i certainly agree with you, so perhaps i qualified my statements regarding “objectivity.” however, differences in meaning are not the same as ideological differences. once again, the concept of a nun-muslim arabic speaker comes in, where he or she might choose different meanings of certain words (you make a good point by bringing that up, by the way), but wouldn’t look at the ideas of any sect in order to translate.

          • RE:aghast – Part2

            I also agree with you that Bukhari and Muslim were not infallible, so we should not simply take their word for something. The chain of narrators which Muslim mentions is as follows:

            وحدثنا الحسن الحلواني حدثنا عبد الرزاق أخبرنا ابن جريج قال قال عطاء قدم جابر بن عبد الله معتمرا فجئناه في منزله فسأله القوم عن أشياء ثم ذكروا المتعة فقال نعم استمتعنا على عهد رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم وأبي بكر وعمر

            “Narrates Hasan al-Halawani from Abdul-Razzaq from Ibn Jareej from ‘Ata from Jabir.”

            Would love to know your analysis of each person’s credibility. 🙂

            By the way, the reason I mentioned those two articles was not for the sake of proving mutah’s permissibility, but rather for the sake of providing you an explanation/philosophy behind this practice.

          • aghast

            thank you for that, and i see what you did there, expecting me to not be able to provide analyses for each of these people ;).
            you’re right there, i don’t know all of these people, but i am happy with the fact that there IS a chain of narration.
            if, then, these are indeed authentic hadith (if), then what about the argument that temporary marriage was only allowed during certain times, but was eventually completely abolished by the prophet? i find this completely believable, seeing as how special circumstances allowed for quite a few laws to be changed during his lifetime. in addition, this interpretation fits in much better with the greater islamic concept of abstinence before marriage, as opposed to the idea that temporary marriage is still allowed, seeing as how temporary marriage too closely resembles a sexual non-binding relationship between two people (which is forbidden, of course). do you disagree with this?

            and don’t worry about me not understanding the philosophy behind it, seeing as how i’ve already read the arguments for it. i just don’t agree with the philosophy, and don’t find it at all in line with the greater islamic way of thinking. i know far too many people who can control their sexual urges just fine before marriage, and it’s demeaning to think that the sahaba were unable to do so (all of the time if temporary marriage was never allowed, most of the time if it ever was), when we in the present day can.

          • aghast

            just out of interest, would you mind telling me which of the four hadith you mentioned have this chain of narration? thanks,

          • RE:aghast – Part3

            One more thing — you can contact all the different English translators of the Quran, and ask how they came to their translations. Each and every one of them will tell you that at some point or other, their mastery over the Arabic language was insufficient, and they were forced to rely on hadiths and tafseers in order to properly translate a verse. If they are Sunni, they would usually gravitate towards Sunni hadiths/tafseers; if they are Shia, they usually go for Shia tafseers/hadiths.

            In fact, there is only one sect in Islam which believes in a literal reading of the Quran, without resorting to tafseers/hadiths for explanation…and last I heard, they were using the Quran to justify suicide bombings and wife beatings… =/

          • aghast

            unfortunately, most of the translators i referenced are dead.
            you’re probably right about some people resorting to tafsirs,
            but
            a) i doubt all translators do (in regards to your later comment, one doesn’t have to belong to a qur’an-alone sect in order to try to forgo the use of hadith in translations).
            b) i doubt all of those who do would resort only to the tafsirs of their respective sect. i’m sure some are plenty smart enough to use all available tafsirs in order to paint the most objective picture possible. i know i would try to do that.

            and ughh, i don’t think that sort of blasphemy is reserved for only one sect, evil exists among all of our communities :/. may Allah guide them.

          • salam

            You asked for hadith, then you got them and promptly rejected them. There are more from other sources if you care to look for them. But if you won’t accept them, why ask for them?

            As for the translations – it isn’t the translation that one should be looking to, it is the original Arabic and what it means. A lay Arabic speaker cannot tell you what the Qur’an means – they do not have sufficient knowledge of Qur’anic Arabic. You must refer to the experts, who at some point, refer to hadith in many cases.

            The history regarding this verse and its meaning and the practice and permissibility of temporary marriage is rather clear – it was absolutely practiced and permitted in early Islam. The Prophet (saw) did not forbid it, Umar did. Sunnis decided to follow Umar. But Shias followed the Ahlulbayt (as) who continue to permit it and in some cases actively encouraged it to prevent its loss.

            When we study, we have to study with an open heart, and be prepared to accept something that we don’t understand or like at first, and seek understanding with God. If you don’t like mutah you don’t have to do it. Mutah is not intended to replace or supercede permanent marriage. It is an option in certain cases, end of story. Can people do it wrongly? Sure, just as they can pray wrongly or do permanent marriage wrongly. That doesn’t make the concept itself haram when the evidence and rulings are to the contrary.

          • aghast

            “You asked for hadith, then you got them and promptly rejected them. There are more from other sources if you care to look for them. But if you won’t accept them, why ask for them?”

            i asked for both hadith as well as chains of narration. i prefer not to accept hadith without said chains of narration. if you’re going to jump into an argument, at least have the decency to take a look at everything that someone is saying. thank you.

            “As for the translations – it isn’t the translation that one should be looking to, it is the original Arabic and what it means. A lay Arabic speaker cannot tell you what the Qur’an means – they do not have sufficient knowledge of Qur’anic Arabic. You must refer to the experts, who at some point, refer to hadith in many cases.”

            i’ve already made clear that i believe the majority of translations should usually be looked at over the minority, which i think is an important point, especially since not everyone knows arabic and translations provide an invaluable resource. but of course the original arabic provides the most objective reading, and of course not every lay person can read qur’anic arabic extremely well. so yes, it is often a good idea to refer to the experts, but i’ve already made clear in response to “RE:aghast” what i think about hadith being referred to for translations.

          • dot

            Aghast, I’ve just read over your conversations with others here. Doesn’t seem like what you say holds much water.

            If you really care about getting the answers rather than trying to create doubts, you can always go to a scholar. I find it very funny that you want to have a discussion about chains and such when we all know that most people here are not qualified to do so.

            If you really think that the issue of mutah is fine, go talk to a reputable scholar and come back with what they have to say about the matter — they know about Quran and traditions more than you do, so if you are going to be fair you will be satisfied with their approach, not your own.

            I don’t really see why I or anyone else here should waste time with your anonymous claims that mutah was not allowed by the Prophet. It’s pretty much an unanimous issue. The only thing not agreed on was whether or not it was made forbidden after he supported its practice. Sunnis say he forbade it, Shias say no and back it up with the evidence that he never supported a haraam practice and later forbade it, not to mention we have tons of very solid traditions about the matter. That really is the only controversy.

            I don’t have time for going back and forth, but if you care about the truth I trust this should be enough for you.

            Salaams to those who follow guidance.

          • aghast

            all are entitled to think, reason, and interpret, islam holds no priesthood.
            that’s all i’m going to say now, the reason for which you’ll see in my response to RE:aghast.
            wasalam.

          • aghast

            “The history regarding this verse and its meaning and the practice and permissibility of temporary marriage is rather clear – it was absolutely practiced and permitted in early Islam.”

            it may (may) well have been allowed in early islam, which i mentioned to RE:aghast after a chain of narration was provided, and i’ve already presented my response to that.

            “The Prophet (saw) did not forbid it, Umar did. Sunnis decided to follow Umar.”

            this is you stating your version of events and not contributing to the argument by showing definitive proof for this, something which helps no one.

            “But Shias followed the Ahlulbayt (as) who continue to permit it and in some cases actively encouraged it to prevent its loss.”

            who the ahl ul-bayt is, and, consequently, what they believe, is not something universally agreed upon.

            “When we study, we have to study with an open heart, and be prepared to accept something that we don’t understand or like at first, and seek understanding with God.”

            agreed.

            “If you don’t like mutah you don’t have to do it. Mutah is not intended to replace or supercede permanent marriage. It is an option in certain cases, end of story. Can people do it wrongly? Sure, just as they can pray wrongly or do permanent marriage wrongly. That doesn’t make the concept itself haram when the evidence and rulings are to the contrary.”

            LOL no “end of story,” you can’t “end” a story like this without providing evidence, as if that somehow makes your argument more forceful. this isn’t a question of liking or not liking it, it’s a question of whether or not it’s allowed. and “RE:aghast” and i are already having a thorough debate about that. these “evidence and rulings” you mention go both ways, for and against; they’re certainly not all to the contrary.

          • dot

            So what if who Ahlul-Bait are is not universally agreed upon? It’s very obvious they are those people who did not sin. Those people who DID sin (e.g., wives of the prophet who did not stay in their houses even though they were ordered to do so or bothered him so much he wanted to divorce them as per Surah Tahrim) obviously can not be included. Anyone with an open mind and two brain cells can see that! 😀

            The leaders after the prophet are 12 and all are from Quraysh. And ayat tatheer, which is explicitly about ahlul-bait, adds up to 12 (33:33 = 3+3+3+3). Of course there is lots of proof besides this, I’m just saying that you don’t even have to go to traditions to see who the leaders after the Prophet are.

            This is my last post on this thread, I don’t have time for this.

          • aghast

            in my beliefs, all have sinned, all are human.
            in my beliefs, only the prophets are considered sinless because of the duties they were given by Allah (though whether or not that means they never sinned, or were forgiven for any sins committed, is not something i have knowledge about).
            i also happen to disagree 100% with everything else you said, since you are deliberately passing off your viewpoints without any discourse, but “this is my last post on this thread, I don’t have time for this.”

          • dot

            Good, bye-bye Aghast! 😀

            I’d like to say something to the other readers here.

            What Aghast said about only prophets are considered sinless because of duties given by Allah is completely illogical. Because Imam Mahdi, who ALL Muslims believe will cleanse the world of evil and has been given that mission by Allah, is not a Prophet! Aghast’s statement assumes that just because a person is not a prophet means that they don’t have a mission from Allah. This is just silly. We know Imam Mahdi is not a prophet, doesn’t he have a mission? Furthermore, he is sinless! You cannot have a sinner make the world free from sin.

            Furthermore, Aghast says only the Prophets are sinless, but this goes completely against what the Qur’an says about Ahlul-Bait in 33:33. Typical bait and switch. He says he wants proof about chains and such, but then the Qur’an is apparently not enough.

          • LOL

            reading this was funny.
            lol dont lie, its haram to lie.

          • dot

            Who’s lying? It’s haraam to suggest someone is lying when they’re nnot. So stop lying that i’m lying. 😛

          • dot

            PS: I said I don’t have time for this, meaning go in circles wit Aghast, otherwise I certainly always have time for Islamic Insights. 🙂

  • RE:aghast

    I apologize for the delay in getting back to you. I am replying to all your comments here, since those boxes up there keep getting smaller and smaller.. 🙂

    The narration whose chain/translation I provided is the following:

    Jabir b. ‘Abdullah reported: We contracted temporary marriage giving a handful of (tales or flour as a dower during the lifetime of Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) and durnig the time of Abu Bakr until ‘Umar forbade it in the case of ‘Amr b. Huraith.

    Sahih Muslim, Book 008, Number 3249

    As you can see, not only was it permissible during the era of the Prophet [saww] and Abu Bakr, it was Umar who forbade it, not the Prophet [saww]. Furthermore, not only was it permissible, but a respected companion like Jabir ibn Abdullah al-Ansari [ra] says he and others apparently practiced it.

    As far as who the Ahlul Bayt [as] are, the generic word can mean a lot of things, but we refer to in the context of verse 33:33 of the Quran: “And Allah only wishes to remove all abomination from you, o Household of the Prophet (Ahlul Bayt), and to purify you with a thorough purification.”

    When was this verse revealed, and who is it referring to? Again, Muslim comes to our rescue! 🙂

    Sahih Muslim: Book 031, Number 5955:
    ‘A’isha reported that Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him) went out one norning wearing a striped cloak of the black camel’s hair that there came Hasan b. ‘Ali. He wrapped hitn under it, then came Husain and he wrapped him under it along with the other one (Hasan). Then came Fatima and he took her under it, then came ‘Ali and he also took him under it and then said: ‘Allah only desires to take away any uncleanliness from you, O people of the household, and purify you (thorough purifying).’

    • truth

      Just because one sahaba says Umar forbade it and many other sahabas say Muhammad(PBUH) forbade it, it does not mean there is a contradiction in it. There is a very good possibility that few sahabas were not present during prohibition of Muta. Umar only established that ruling.

      Muslim :: Book 21 : Hadith 4763
      ‘Ali b. Abi Talib reported that Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) forbade on the Day of Khaibar temporary marriage (Muta’) with women and the eating of the flesh of domestic asses.

      Muslim :: Book 7 : Hadith 2819
      Abu Dharr (Allah be pleased with him) said: Two are the Mut’as which were not permissible but only for us, i. e. temporary marriage with women and Tamattu’ in Hajj.

      Muslim :: Book 8 : Hadith 3265
      Muhammad b. ‘Ali narrated on the authority of his father ‘Ali that Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him) on the Day of Khaibar prohibited for ever the contracting of temporary marriage and eating of the flesh of the domestic asses.

      Muslim :: Book 8 : Hadith 3267
      ‘Ali (Allah be pleased with him) said to Ibn ‘Abbas (Allah be pleased with them) that Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) on the Day of Khaibar forbade forever the contracting of temporary marriage and the eating of the flesh of domestic asses.

      Muslim :: Book 8 : Hadith 3262
      Sabra al-Juhanni reported on the authority of his father: Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) prohibited the contracting of temporary marriage and said: Behold, it is forbidden from this very day of yours to the Day of Resurrection, and he who has given something (as a dower) should not take it back.

  • RE:aghast – Part 2

    Regarding your comment: “i doubt all of those who do would resort only to the tafsirs of their respective sect. i’m sure some are plenty smart enough to use all available tafsirs in order to paint the most objective picture possible. i know i would try to do that.”

    I agree that you SHOULD use all the tafsirs to paint an accurate picture. Unfortunately, reality is far from that. If you don’t believe me, show me a single translationof the Qur’an (besides those of Shakir and Qarai, which happen to be Shia translations) which translates verse 5:55 to mean “and they give charity while they bow” instead of “and they give charity and they bow”. I have done a bit research into this issue (if I may say so myself), and the overwhelming majority of English translations of the Quran are actually based on select 2-3 Sunni tafseers of the Quran (and hence don’t even represent all the various interpretations that exist within the Ahlul Sunna).

    Anyway, as I said, you are welcome to do your research on this matter and study comparative tafsirs, and you will see what I am saying, insha’Allah.

    • aghast

      brother/sister (i find it disconcerting that i honestly don’t know which one you are after all of this), i’m afraid i’m going to be leaving this conversation now. if you choose to believe me, i actually DO have valid responses to what you’ve last said to me, but i won’t be saying them because i am afraid that this will go on forever if i do, and i can’t spend any more time on this.

      we’ll have to agree to disagree on this issue, because you still have not convinced me that temporary marriage is allowed in islam. HOWEVER, i would like to thank you.

      i’d like to thank you for going through this whole thing with me, i’d like to thank you for providing actual research on the topic, and i’d like to thank you for knowing material which backs up your point of view (i’m thanking you for that not because i agree, but because i’m impressed by it. not many do that while debating).
      i would also like to thank you for being civil through this, and i hope you found me to be the same.

      i’ll understand if you feel cheated by this, but i honestly don’t have the time for this anymore, and i hope you’ll forgive me.

      i wish you all the best, and may Allah guide you and keep you well in all that you do.
      As-salaamu ‘alaykum.

  • Reality is we are surrounded by *ex messages everywhere from media to school to everyplace! We need to come up with a solid strategy if we ever want to do anything about it.