Marriage, Relationships, and Muslim Youth

Marriage, Relationships, and Muslim Youth

Every Muslim community has its handful of out-of-control youth. But these days, even the decent kids from religious families are falling into Haram when it comes to pre-marital relationships. Yes, we’re talking about those youth in the community who have pretty much been born and raised in the Islamic center. The ones whose parents try their best to guide their children to the path of Islam, and once most of the fundamentals have been engraved into the minds of these youngsters, the only hassle for these parents is to try and keep their children on the flawless path of Islam. Now the question at hand is: why are such good Muslim youth faltering when it comes to pre-marital relationships?

For starters, half these kids truly believe that it is perfectly “Halal” to be involved with their cyber boyfriend or girlfriend because it’s not in “real life”. But when these cyber relationships grow and the emotional attachment is so great that from online chatting and emails it turns into incessant texting and four-hour-long late night phone conversations in which “I love you” is said every minute, we have a slight problem.

The more alarming problem is when Muslim youngsters take such relationships to the next level and go to the extent of “meeting” each other, whether this be around school, work, cafes, or even at community functions. Everybody knows that when a non-mahram boy and girl are left alone together (without going into too many traumatizing graphic details), Shaitan is always present and suggesting new and interesting ways of doing more Haram. This is the stage when the kids do realize that what they are doing is prohibited, but because they’ve been so involved for such a long period of time now, they simply “can’t let go”. This is usually the point at which the good kids admit that they’ve gone slightly off track from their faith but believe they are still better than “those other out-of-control youth”, as their pre-marital relationships is the only area of their faith in which they falter. And besides, a bit of Haram can’t hurt if the idea is to “marry the person I love”, right?

Sometimes the youth find themselves in this situation because the person they are involved with is usually the person who they intend to marry, and they originally started speaking to him/her as it was all just to “get to know them”. Of course, within the limits of Hijab, it is possible to get to know a person in a permissible way, but as we all know that’s not the case for the majority of kids in this situation, and while being involved for “marriage purposes” is the usual excuse, the fact of the matter is that it’s actually about having the satisfaction of being in a relationship, regardless of how remote the chances are of actually marrying the other person.

A closer analysis of this sad reality will depict that on one hand, we have the kids who legitimately feel the need for a partner, someone who can provide them with emotional support, solve their problems, and give them something to look forward to each day. On the other hand, we have youth who never felt the need for a partner but unexpectedly came across the opportunity to be a part of a relationship and were sucked in before they could think twice about it. Whatever the justification, one thing is for sure – it is becoming harder for the Muslim community to keep a hold of its decent youth, and it all has to do with the fact that they are finding it harder to resist the temptations that Haram relationships have to offer.

So what’s the solution? Sending our children to single-gender or Islamic schools? Have our children engaged to some distant relative as soon as they become of age? Being tougher on them by taking away their Internet access and mobile phones? Some parents try these strategies prior to any incidents occurring so that their children are not given any “opportunities” to get involved with such relationships. Other parents implement all (if not more of) these “solutions” all at once when the unfortunate crackdown occurs and the children are confronted by their parents and family about their “personal life”. In most cases, the success rate of all these solutions is nothing more than epic failure.

Let’s do justice to ourselves. Before coming up with a magnificent solution that will solve all our problems, we need to identify what the underlying issue at hand is. For most people, the desire to have a partner and “being with someone” usually sprouts when they are in their mid-late teens, and they are not to blame. It’s a natural instinct to feel this way, and anyone who attended those elementary school health classes knows that sexual activity and “relationships” with the opposite gender are encouraged from a very young and most probably an unhealthy age.

Simply put, there is a need for the parents to address the importance of marriage at an early age for our youth. The sad policies of “You’re not going to get married until you have enough money to buy a house”, “You need to complete your undergraduate, post-graduate and then get a job before you can marry”, and “It’s impossible for us to find you a good boy/girl!” are taking our communities towards unimaginable disaster. Islam has encouraged marriage as early as possible, and yet our youth are getting the idea that they will be in their late twenties or early thirties by the time they have their first partner. Of course, this seems slightly unfair, as most people in the West have their first partner early on in the teenage life, if not even sooner!

What needs to be promoted, and especially to the religious and active teens and youth in the community, is that marriage should not be delayed until either the boy or girl are entirely “settled”. Let’s face reality here, Muslim youth who have a pretty good understanding of their faith and the logic behind its Divine laws actually look forward to marriage, because as parents often tend to overlook these days, it is in fact a part of our religion, and it is encouraged at an early age for the sole purpose of allowing us to become better believers!

We all know that marriage “secures half of your faith”, but our Holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his progeny) also said that when it comes to a young person who marries at the beginning of his/her youth, his/her devil moans and intensively regrets that s(he) has protected two-thirds of his/her faith from Satan! Sadly, parents are failing to realize the necessity and benefits of having today’s generation at least Nikkah-ed by the time they are in their late teens, early twenties. Each case is unique, however. So what’s essential is that our youth are given a realistic timeframe, and it is only fair for today’s young generation to know when they can expect to be permitted by their parents to enter a Halal and loving relationship.

Excessive fears of how early marriages will cope if our children haven’t completed their education, how our daughter will starve to death unless the boy she is marrying is a doctor, how our sons won’t get along with girls unless they look like supermodels, how the next generation will be completely “Westernized” if either boy or girl is unable to fluently speak in their native language are all completely bizarre and unrealistic expectations. All that is needed is a basic maturity level, and after that, parents, scholars, and community leaders have an obligation to encourage among our youth the kind of mental and emotional maturity they need in order to become successful husbands and wives.

It’s time for the Muslim community to wake up and realize that if we plan on our next generation being good Muslims, we must frankly and openly discuss the issue of marriage with our children. Times have changed, and it is extremely pressing for us to be considerate towards these emotional and physical needs of our youth, so that we may put a stop to all this Haram that we ourselves are causing them to resort to. As the Holy Prophet said, “Join your children in marriage, because thereby Allah renders their tempers good, adds to their sustenance, and increases their sense of honor.”

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  1. Sabira A.
    August 17, 09:51
    Mashallah! Excellent points were raised in this article. I hope there are parents reading this article who are willing to look at their expectations realistically, and be able to open-up to what their children/ young adults truly need in their lives.<br /><br />Young Muslims also need to be strong and realistic, and be aware of societal expectations but have the strength and determination to do what they need in a halal way. It is hard to be ready for marriage in high school when all the couples are portrayed as college graduates. Then we fall into the trap of thinking that we should be the kind of teenagers this society wants us to be, and GRADUALLY grow up and mature 10 years later. <br /><br />Teens need lots of support and guidance to make wise decision, and not just follow blindly--be it following blindly by agreeing to marry some ill-fitted person at the insistence of parents, or following the mindless, consuming teen-crowd and just having goofy, in-between relations instead of aiming for marriage right away. <br /><br />This is a team effort, and both parents and their children need to be aware and have their eyes open. Parents need to give their children good skills and a sense of independence and responsibility, with enough freedom for them to consider themselves seriously but with enough love and nourishment for the children to realize that they have support to go into new and uncharted territories.
  2. Magic_Hijabi
    August 17, 13:50
    “Reprimand your brother [in faith] through showing him beneficence. Repel his evil by bestowing upon him”<br />Imam Ali (as)<br /><br />Interesting article, thanks.
  3. Ali A.
    August 17, 18:35
    Thanks for this thoughtful piece. You raise some very good questions. But I wonder if early marriages could be THE answer for a range of challenges that youth face today. The causes of "faltering when it comes to pre-marital relationships" are multi-fold, and children, peers, parents, community, media, schools, ... all have their role. Youth need proper socialization and values. They need constructive outlets and activities. They need positive role models and a sense of purpose in life. They need to be able to communicate to their parents and a sense of belonging. Early marriages - the two people engaged in that relationship - cannot provide all that to each other. Without addressing the other causes, we may place too much burden and expectations on these early marriages.<br /><br />I believe that there is value in socializing kids to control themselves up until a certain age, for their emotional, mental, and spiritual development. That age can vary from person to person, depending on a range of factors and within some realistic limits. <br /><br />I also believe that early marriage may not work in all cases. Sometimes one or both spouses may not be ready to enter into this relationship. Marriage should not be reduced to merely a "cure" or "solution" for a social or individual "problem". <br /><br />Not saying that the author meant the solution ('early marriage') that way. I am just speaking from the experience of living in a few communities, in the East and West. Granted, my sample size is still quite limited. In these communities early marriages were used as the one-size-fits-all solution for youth's "deviation" ("get him married, he'll become responsible"), and it used to work. However, I am not sure it it does any more to the same extent. It may be helpful to research the communities that have promoted early marriages TODAY? For example, What worked and what did not? and What are the success rates? What alternatives may be there and are being practiced? What is the average marriage age for boys and girls respectively in our communities? Has that changed in the last 5-10 years? What may be the contributing factors? What do our youth "falter"? <br /><br />These are all empirical questions, requiring careful social research. Only after understanding the multitude of causes and practices can we come up with effective and well-rounded solutions.
  4. sha
    August 19, 12:48
    II think we have lost the unconditional reliance on God that he will provide us sustenance as-long as we have firm faith and don't go to extremes like delaying marriage etc<br />simple solutions to complex problems i guess. Once someones sucked in the emotional, love game than one finds one is digging oneself in deeper in trouble. Is it plain ignorance that we don't see the answers as you so beautifully pointed out? Even the 'practicing' kids, teens and adults are tangled in this web. <br />The question of early marriages and not getting married early well what i try to explain to anyone asking me is if you want know that marriage is like a boyfriend /girlfriend relationship but with written legal guarantees and penalties i.e not to cheat. thus if your loyal get married to her/him. if not find the one who you like.(through halal means obv!)<br />It can all boil down to the environment but some issues are like chicken and egg, but firstly we have to have faith in God, like you pointed out marriage is the 'Islamic solution. Yet people make problems out of a solution! <br />Glory be to God, Makes one think... and may God reward you for writing this much needed paramount article.
  5. flimflam
    August 19, 17:09
    Thank you Sr. Zehrah for the article and the thoughtful points you bring up. Addressing the comment by Br. Ali: I'd have to agree with you that early marriage is not "THE" solution to the challenges that Sr. Zehrah highlighted. As you point out, the challenge of Muslim youth finding the proper partner is a complex issue that has many factors feeding into it.<br /><br />I'd like to make one point that this article made me think about. I'm assuming this article is addressing challenges faced by Muslim youth in the US or Canada. I grew up in the US and one thing I've noticed with the several communities and Islamic centers that I've been associated with is that interaction between the genders is never addressed properly. Either the Imam will fail to encourage or even discourage any sort of halal mixing of the genders in the setting of the masjid or any Islamic gathering. The result is that everyone in the masjid -- the parents and the youth -- will default to the social norm of mixing being a big taboo. No mixing goes on, not even eye contact. <br /><br />The pitiful result is that a young man and a young woman attending the same masjid for 15 years could know less about each other than the boy or girl that sits next to them in their statistics class in college. And you know what? This is a sad situation.<br /><br />The result is either that this believing woman or (especially) the believing man will end up forming a relationship with and marrying a non-believer or a Muslim whose deen is non-existent. (I have multiple friends with strong Islamic backgrounds who've done this) The other result is that they do what Sr. Zehrah pointed to, they form an improper relationship with another believer because they're desperate to have a relationship or interaction with the other sex.<br /><br />These people don't live in Pakistan, Iran or some other middle eastern country. Society works differently here. Imams and parents need to wake up. ENCOURAGE halal interaction at the masjid. It should be encouarged from early age so that its not some sort of half-hearted reaction to "save" someone and get them married after segregation for their first 20 years. In other words, a marriage workshop or something like that won't help.<br /><br />Inshallah we bring these different issues up with our ulema/leaders at the masjid as well as parents because this is an important issue.
  6. Kazim Zaidi
    August 19, 20:31
    Thank you sister for the beautiful and clear way of raising these concerns.<br /><br />Like everyone said, many things contribute to the proper 'tarbiyat' of the youth, and some of the important ones are <br />* Early Marriage, when sufficient maturity is achieved<br /><br />* Ideals and examples for the youth to look forward to and follow in the community. (seriously lacking)<br /><br />* Open discussion among youth and elders about problems of youth, their analysis and solutions from Islamic viewpoint<br /><br />* Instilling knowledge about the Halal & Haram when it comes to relationships and interactions with opposite gender<br /><br />More importantly, parents should remember that these problems are more serious and grave compared to their times, and hence require proper planning and attention.<br /><br />Imam Ali (as) says "Do not force your children to behave like you, for surely they have been created for a time which is different to your time.".
  7. .
    August 20, 02:16
    Flim flam, we have plenty of examples in our North American Shia community where attempts at liberalization were made. Do you know what happened? Instead of having non-Muslim boyfriends/girlfriends, they started having Muslim ones. We even have examples of Muslims having children out of wedlock. Even when it doesn't get to that point, so many so-called "Muslim youth groups" that allow mixing spend much of their time flirting and joking with each other. You just sit in their organizational meetings and you'll see that's what they want, not "getting to know each other for the purpose of marriage"! If a person [i]wants[/i] to do bad things, having the opportunity to do forbidden things in the name of "getting to know" people is not going to help. Why allow sick people such a chance? <br /><br />By the way, a good Muslim avoids interaction with the other gender, whatever the religion of the other person. The public environment in North American is completely immoral and anti-Islamic. <br /><br />I agree that Middle Eastern and South Asian cultures are not the solution. But please, next time offer solutions that our infallibles (peace be upon them) would of approve of. You're looking for sympathy, but I don't see anything in Islam that allows, much less encourages, what you're calling for.
  8. Sabira A.
    August 20, 11:42
    Salam brother/ sister,<br /><br />I believe you meant that a good Muslim avoids [i]unnecessary[/i] interaction with people of the opposite gender...I would take this to mean that they do not call them on the phone when they could call someone of the same gender, that they don't start flirting or trying to to use religious material as an excuse for a date to discuss something further. But we cannot and should not avoid each other entirely. We have lots to learn from each other (women and men),
  9. Sabira A.
    August 20, 11:52
    and while some people take advantage of those masjid programs to "get to know each other", I think youth in this society need the chance for healthy interaction while they are young, or they will never learn it and will never be able to help their children learn it either.<br /><br />Perhaps the cases you mentioned would have benefited from the firm presence and guidance of a few young but established and mature married couples who could help tweek the atmosphere. Growing up, there were a few couples that I was able to look up to. When they were with the youth, they were delightful, positive, informative, and inspiring. And they encouraged us to be our best--our best self, our most mature, our most complete in our Islamic identity. They gave us something to look forward to, and made us realize how great purity can be. One young bride saying that all the purity was "definitely worth it" made such a strong impression in my mind. That mixed atmosphere of single women and men, plus a few stable couples, has been the best atmosphere that I know of.
  10. flimflam
    August 20, 12:36
    Salaam Alaikum,<br /><br />***************<br />Anonymous said:<br />Flim flam, we have plenty of examples in our North American Shia community where attempts at liberalization were made. Do you know what happened? Instead of having non-Muslim boyfriends/girlfriends, they started having Muslim ones. We even have examples of Muslims having children out of wedlock. Even when it doesn't get to that point, so many so-called "Muslim youth groups" that allow mixing spend much of their time flirting and joking with each other. You just sit in their organizational meetings and you'll see that's what they want, not "getting to know each other for the purpose of marriage"! If a person wants to do bad things, having the opportunity to do forbidden things in the name of "getting to know" people is not going to help. Why allow sick people such a chance?<br />****************<br /><br />I'm not sure what you mean by "liberalization". I think thats a pretty loaded term. And I don't know the specific circumstances you refer to within the "North American Shia" community. But I do agree with you that if a person *wants* to do something that they know is wrong, they'll do it no matter how much you try to show them the right way. The point I made in my initial post was about fostering an interactive, inviting Islamic atmosphere where young believing men and women know more about each other. I have friends whose Islamic background is solid and unquestionable. They tried to seek a wife from within the community but the environment wasn't conducive to them in their search. <br /><br />***************<br />Anonymous said:<br />By the way, a good Muslim avoids interaction with the other gender, whatever the religion of the other person. The public environment in North American is completely immoral and anti-Islamic.<br />****************<br /><br />Yes, so if a "good" Muslim and their community follows your advice they'll find themselves in the absurd situation I described above. They know next to *nothing* about the other gender group in their community. Is that conducive to finding a spouse? If so, how? Do you believe that this situation of boys and girls of the Muslim community knowing nothing about each other is moral and Islamic?<br /><br />****************<br />Anonymous said:<br />I agree that Middle Eastern and South Asian cultures are not the solution. But please, next time offer solutions that our infallibles (peace be upon them) would of approve of. You're looking for sympathy, but I don't see anything in Islam that allows, much less encourages, what you're calling for.<br />***************<br /><br />I did offer a solution that I think the Imams and the Prophets would approve of. Interaction within Islamic boundaries and with the guidance of the community Imams and parents. If the Prophet wasn't born in Mecca in 570 but was born in Anywhere, USA 1980, do you think his solution would be that the righteous males and females not interact? I'm not looking for sympathy -- what are you refering to? The last place on earth I'd look for sympathy is on the internet with strangers.
  11. Magic_Hijabi
    August 20, 15:03
    The problem in this article isn't about people not getting find partners, but choosing to habitually bad decisions that are also haram. The Center/Mosque holds a specific degree of dignity and respect, PLEASE don't use it as a matchmaking service. Some of us like going to the center to learn and improve, not be scouted for marriage. Lest we give off the impression that everyone that goes to the Mosque wants to get married.
  12. morning cereal
    August 20, 19:27
    Salaam,<br /><br />Flim Flam and others, don't healthy communities do enough? If a community already has Islamic weekend schools (that youths attend and teach at), seminars, discussions/QA sessions with scholars, etc. a person would already get a reputation in the community that way, they would be known. And when it comes time to seek out possibilities for marriage, one would already have basic knowledge of the person to start with.<br /><br />Then comes the further investigations (finding out some more about them from friends, other community members, teachers, the resident scholar, and of course Facebook! :P), and then if things look good, go ahead and meet with them for the purpose of finding out if their suitable as a spouse, if you have done all the other investigations and are serious about a proposal, then you can have a (serious, not flirty) conversation at their home, with someone nearby. That's not a problem.<br /><br />But having random conversations with a bunch of different people in the centre, on a very superficial level for the purpose of marriage (come on, we know how those matchmaking events are, people come looking as sexily halal as possible, I'm sorry to say. Many people do the same thing at Islamic conferences, you might argue, but that doesn't make it right. If Allah wanted us to look and behave as sexily as possible in public, why would He prescribe hijab? Obviously you have to look at more things about the person before their looks.).<br /><br />Just like in regular school, you would know who's smart, who's religious, who's not, through classes, you would find out the same through Islamic classes. You don't need a special mixer event to find information like that out. <br /><br />In fact, people will present themselves more truly in a different normal community setting than they would at a singles matchup event. <br /><br /><br /> <br />
  13. morning cereal
    August 20, 19:36
    [b]Comments on the four questions answered by the Grand Ayatullah Sistani in 1996/1416 about “supervised mixed gathering” of youths[/b]<br /><br />The first three questions are about religious gatherings, debates, giving speeches, and presenting papers in “supervised mixed gatherings”. Such activities are to some extent already taking place in most madrasas, debate and quiz programs, seminars and summer camp programs. To all these three questions, Ayatollah Sistani has given approval with certain very important conditions that should be carefully studied by the community leaders, youth groups, and madrasa organizers. (One of the conditions include the “complete hijab” and not just the “minimum hijab” as posed by the questioner in the preamble of the questions.)<br /><br />[u]The last question is about organizing supervised events or gatherings so that young men and women can “know each other through conversation and discussion” in order to encourage marriage among themselves. This the Grand Ayatollah Sistani has not permitted.[/u] In order to make sure this difference is seen clearly, the questions and answers are presented side-by-side:<br /><br />Q.1 Is it permissible to organise religious and educational gatherings in which young men and women will participate with observance or Islamic rules of interaction [that is, without an intention of lust and without any threat of corrupting morality? Let it be clear that such a program will be organized under supervision of parents and sympathetic persons. <br /><br />Answer: <br />No objections, provided:<br />[a] girls observe the Islamic hijab completely;<br />[b] girls sit separately from boys;<br />[c] both sexes should observe the respect and dignity in character, conversation and dress in such a way that they never put themselves in any sinful or corrupt situation.<br />It is highly recommended that in the beginning of such gatherings a religious scholar, with sound reputation and Islamic behaviour should exhort the audience explaining to them the harms of abandoning the Islamic laws.<br /><br />Q.2 Can young men and women in such gatherings exchange views and discuss issues in the form of debate and argument? <br /><br />Answer: If the topic is from religious point of view, an appropriate subject for discussion and exchange of views between the boys and girls and if what has been mentioned in the previous answer is observed, then there is no objection.<br /><br />Q.3 Can young men and women in such gatherings which has been organized specifically for them give speech and present papers on religious and educational topics for each other?<br /><br />Answer: With the observation of the conditions already stated, there is no objection.<br /><br />Q.4 In order to encourage these youths to get married among themselves so that their religious interests will be preserved, is it permissible to organize activities under the supervision of the parents and sympathetic religious persons to allow them to know each other through conversation and discussion?<br /><br />Answer: No objection, provided:<br />Their knowing each other is attainable through the activities mentioned in other questions.<br /><br />In answer to the last question, Ayatullah Sistani has clearly not allowed activities specifically organized to facilitate the youths to know one another for the purpose of marriage. Unlike the first three answers, he does not say “it is permissible or there is no objection” in this answer. [u]By saying that “their knowing one another is attainable through the activities mentioned in other questions,” the Ayatullah has indicated that if “knowing one another” takes place incidentally through other activities, then it is okay. But to organize a gathering with that specific purpose in mind has not been approved by Ayatullah Sistani.[/u]<br /><br />
  14. .
    August 20, 22:26
    Flimflam, yes, if the Prophet was born in the USA in the 80s he would say the same thing. He came to a society far worse and corrupt. You seem to think that not mixing was imposed upon the Prophet somehow!<br /><br />Really, if the most you guys can do is say "I think", we have much bigger problems. I would like to see some proof from Quran and Ahlul-Bait. [b]You still are only saying what you think is beautiful or seems sensible, not what the infallibles[/b]
  15. .
    August 20, 22:37
    There are so many traditions about how bad it is for men and women to mingle. If there is a way to avoid it, the Islamic stance is to avoid such gatherings. I have heard our scholars say such strong things as "it is mentioned in traditions that it is highly reprehensible for a man to sit on a spot that was warmed by an unrelated woman before him." Do you have any idea how serious that is? And the Prophet did not like that men and women even enter the mosque in Medina from the same door. <br /><br />It is only as a last option that men and women are supposed to mingle. You need to understand a basic thing in Islamic law: something can be allowed but not at all encouraged. Even divorce is allowed. Funny thing how many divorces happen ...
  16. Azar
    August 24, 01:04
    Good thoughts. Much appreciated. Parents must realize this issue alone is capable of crippling the Islamic way of life (or whatever is left of it in todays society). Just wanted to add a few bits from my experience.<br />- I'm a guy so I can't really speak about girls. With guys, it really helps if parents encourage diverse activities like sports, writing, reading, travel, studying. I'm 26 years old, getting married in a few months - all my life I was so busy with my cricket and football, my test scores, my passion for sports cars (I can't buy them, so I just admire them), my visit to Kuala Lumpur with buddies, reading Kahlil Gibran to Fareed Zakaria that I never felt much peer pressure to chase a girl. Funny thing, I never even smoked coz I was too worried about my stamina on the field.<br />- Parents should infuse a few things into childrens mind. You love AFTER getting married, you don't love and THEN get married. Your spouse is your "Naseeb" (Fate). Have faith in Allah and be grateful to whoever you find yourself getting married to.<br />- Ok fine, you're in love? Now what? Get married even if you're 18! Falling in love with someone in itself is not BAD if it is for the "right" reasons. For instance, a college freshman has sincere admiration for an intelligent decent colleague of his. Parents should have such a relationship that the young man should walk up and tell his father. And if only parents around here had the Islamic mindset, they would not scold the boy, but in fact objectively see if approaching the girls family is a good idea. Assuming, the proposal succeeds - in such a case parents should be forthcoming to provide economic support, to provide advice on health issues etc.
  17. concerned
    August 16, 19:54
    first off I am not muslim but I am in love with a muslim man we are both 18. we are not physically intimate because we both want to wait till we are married. I love him very much and he loves me. His family does not approve for obvious reasons. i do not want to marry until I am 25 so I can not in good conscience convert for him as of yet if we plan to get married I will of corse convert and raise our children Muslim. how do I ask his family to give us the time we need to solidify our relationship and know it is true love? I do not understand how you can discount love so easily. it is the greatest gift ever bestowed apon man. if you have never been in love you can not speak against me for you know not the anguish I felt when we briefly seperated. I don't want you to feel as though I am against what you are saying I am simply asking to understand. I know this might be impossible to explain to me as I have grown up in a different culture but don't you want your children to be happy? why must life be a test against us what is the point?
  18. Abdullah K.
    December 26, 18:35
    @ Azar:<br />You are fortunate to have understanding and liberal parents. Not every Muslim parents are that open. A lot them (including mine) think reading, travelling, writing and sports are a waste of time when it could have been spent in religious pursuits.<br /> <br />As for spouses, it is naseeb only if you leave it up to your parents to pick a spouse for you. Which can lead to disastrous consquences if you are not a personality-clone of your parents.
  19. Akib Jabed
    May 01, 04:25
    Assalamwalaikum Sir<br /><br />Sir<br />My name is Akib Jabed and I’m from Bangladesh, I have a relation with a Indonesian women, Our relation is too long and true but few months ago her mother was dead and now she was alone, She was a orphan girl, my family was already accepted our relationship.<br />I can not go to Indonesia Because Indonesian Government will never give me permit to get married with her because this is a Indonesian country rules.<br />I have no idea that why we can’t get married with each other. Yes our country is different but We both are Muslim. Our religion is Islam, no matter which country you are, It’s not our Islamic rules. Allah know our heart, How much we love each other. She was a orphan girl and I have been promised to my Allah that I will give her a new life with me but I can not make my promise because our country's Government will never give us permission to get married, but why ? because we are from different country, It's not our Islamic rule. The true fact is we both are a Muslim and my parents was agreed to get married with her, my parents want her in my real life.<br /><br />Please Sir I beg you<br />Please help me, Please any of you can Give me some a solution.<br />I will be very appreciated If any of you could help me. Please reply.<br /><br />Thank You!

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