It’s a thought that passes through everyone’s mind, when it will happen, if it already has happened. Marriage. Young couples wanting to get married and settle down, young couples who have already settled down, what does it feel like, how does it all work…oh, the excitement!
But what we tend to forget is the “after party”. What is there to do once it is all done? I’m not saying life is done with, but the whole process, the ceremonies, the moving if required, the packing or unpacking, and of course the “newlywed shopping”. So what comes next after a newlywed couple is living together, finally in their own home, all alone?
Usually the first thing that goes through the wife’s mind is: how to decorate the home. It’s pretty common for the wife to decorate and want to furnish the home the way she has dreamed, or maybe seen on TV. Here is a tip: don’t overwhelm yourself. Take it slowly. Don’t rush into inviting people over or trying to do the whole dinner party thing until you are ready. Unfortunately, there is a process that has almost naturally been ingrained into our minds about what to do after you get married – invite people over!
On the other hand, the husbands are usually ready to go crazy with the electronics, the game systems, and of course, becoming head of household. This will also take time. Create a system to help manage things in the home. A mail holder is a good idea, for whoever is in charge of organizing bills, etc. A grocery list is also very helpful, and those nifty little magnetic pads you can hang on the fridge will help you to stay on top of what is needed. Organization is key! Choose sides of the closet, drawers, areas of the home for different things. For example, a small corner of the home simply dedicated to prayer is usually a good idea. I like to leave my prayer mat out in the small corner, for those times people may just forget, it is a good idea. A huge bookcase for those who like to read is a good idea. Organize your books by genre, etc. If there is room in the house, have a small study/office area for those who are still in school or will be pursuing further education. These things can all be planned out together. In turn, as the new couple is planning together how the house will look and be run, they are discussing ideas and unconsciously learning about each other’s lifestyle, which definitely helps in the long run.
Yes, as crazy as it sounds, there just might be arguments over the leather couch vs. the fabric one, or where to hang what picture! It’s definitely a fun ride, and as long as both people have sincere intentions in living a life devoted to Allah, there will be no problems.
As newlyweds, there is a big mix of emotions, stresses, and a brand new experience taking place, which can add many frustrations on its own. It is important for new couples to almost forget what society says, and try their best to get used to living with each other – this in itself can take a few months, since of course everyone is different. I personally believe when a new couple gets married it is most important to just understand and realize the way another person lives. Learning to compromise habits and ways of living, shopping, sleeping, eating are all things that are going to be under review!
So before rushing into decorating the house, or trying to be the perfect spouse according to whatever image is in your head, take the time to breathe, enjoy your new union, and discussing about new systems you think would help as you start your life together.